Gut Rumbles

August 01, 2003

quickies, part II

*The sea was extremely calm and muddy on Jekyll Island. It was like a huge, salty swimming pool where you couldn't see the bottom in three feet of water. The boys loved it. I had no trouble keeping track of them.

*Show me a fat, 300-pound yankee woman drinking a Diet Coke and I'll blow snot out of my nose laughing. Every time.

*I took the boys to Blackbeard's restaurant and Quinton saw whitecaps on the water outside the big picture window. "What is THAT, daddy?" he asked. I told him that it was a sand bar and I would take him there the next day. I did. It was one hell of a sand bar at low tide.

*I am not certain about the status of my bionic dick. Wearing a bathing suit and soaking in the ocean has been really good therapy, but my dick just doesn't "feel" right. Neither do my balls. I get to inflate the hardware next week. I'll decide whether I like it or not then.

*What the fuck do I do if I DON'T like it?

*I have a woman who claims "First Dibs" on my bionic dick. She promised me a "first-rate sucking and fucking." She said, "Rob, it'll be like losing your cherry all over again, and you'll remember me FOREVER." She probably is correct about the cherry and the memory.

*Yankee men need to groom their goddam toenails. I know that they don't go barefoot the way Southern men do, but goddam. You gotta know an ugly, untrimmed foot full of ugly toenails when you see it. Do those fuckers live in the dark? Don't they own toenail clippers?

*DO NOT wear "water shoes" on the beach. Or goofy-assed goggles and swim-fins. You look like a dumbfuck yankee when you do that. Good Southern boys like Jack and Quinton make fun of you for hours after we go back to the room. You deserve it.

*How can some people be SO GODDAM PALE? I saw some people that made me want to reach for the garlic, a crucifix and a wooden stake. They HAD to be vampires. Bejus! You can't be THAT PALE without living in a goddam coffin.

*A skinny woman with big titties still gives me cognative dissonance.


"a fat, 300-pound yankee woman"
Versus a slim 300-pound yankee woman?
Welcome back.

Posted by: Ric on August 1, 2003 02:24 PM

Some yankees work real hard on their bar room pallor. Taking it to the beach is a whole 'nother thang.

Posted by: Larry on August 1, 2003 08:35 PM

Don't worry...they ain't vampires. They wuz out in the sun.

Posted by: Hank on August 1, 2003 08:57 PM

It will take you some time for your bionic dick to "feel right". It's going to be extra sensitive and odd for about a year (that was about how long it took my Love to feel "normal" after his surgery.) Make sure to use KY or some similar will improve things greatly. Try not to worry about it too much, it does take a while to heal completely. But it does help if you use it often (and I don't just mean a hand job)......the doctor even told us that!

Posted by: DogsDon'tPurr on August 2, 2003 12:43 AM

Please be careful pumping that thang up dood. I had a guitar player in the "80's whose friend had this procedure. He had problems though, it seemed that every time he would begin the "inflation" process he would become overzealous as he would watch his dick grow.The more he pumped the bigger he got but he would keep pumping past the point where he needed to stop. He busted the pump FOUR times!!!! He had to get it repaired each time. I think he finally figured out that he should stick with the assigned perameters for his penis length and girth. But every time my guitar player would tell this story, I would bust a gut. We used to drink ALOT of EVAN WILLIAMS BLACK LABEL.

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