Gut Rumbles

July 27, 2003


I have this theory that movies such as The Towering Inferno, The Poseidon Adventure and Airport were instrumental in the growth of the scare-you-to-death environmental movement of today. Mankind was living on the verge of DISASTER!!! DEATH AND DESTRUCTION LOOM!! It was BOUND to happen any day.

Well, it didn't for 30 years until the WTC attack, so the nutballs and barking moonbats created THREATS of disaster to fill in that lenghty gap. Global Warming. (That was right after the New Ice Age fell out of vogue.) Lead-based paint. Asbestos. Brain cancer from cell phone towers. Poison in the water. Poison in the air. Poison EVERYWHERE!!!

People lived longer and healthier lives all during this time, but that didn't mean a goddam thing. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! became a rallying cry for the scare-mongering, money-grubbing interest groups out there dedicated to scaring the shit out of the ignorant, and they were amazingly successful.

We banned smoking. We enforced the Clean Water Act. We banned perfectly safe insecticides. We passed gas mileage standards for cars. We went firing off environmental regulations like projectile vomit and made heroes out of scumbags such as Henry Waxman and Jim Jeffords. What was the end result?


It's worse now than it ever was. Now, OBESITY is going to kill us! Potato chips are going to kill us. Playground equipment is going to kill us. BUGS are going to kill us now that we banned perfectly safe insecticides.

We are too rich and too comfortable today. If we were still grubbing for roots and berries, seeing a 50% death rate among newborns and dying before we were 40, the way people did in the "good old days" environmentalists harken back to, we wouldn't have the spare time to worry so much and INVENT crap to scare us to death.

We would be too busy just trying to stay alive.

I believe that I should be allowed to club environmentalists they way some people club baby seals. Environmentalists don't make the world a better place. They fuck it up. They would rather see a snail-darter live than a human child. They have twisted priorities and I hate every one of them. The bastards enjoy all the benefits civilization gave them and use those benefits to attempt to TEAR DOWN civilization. Talk about bipolar.



You've been reading the Sunday paper, haven't you?

Posted by: Laura on July 27, 2003 09:12 AM

driving in our gas guzzling american car, whenever we pass a gaggle of runners (always in the street in our way and not on the sidewalk, by the way) my wife yells out the window at them..."you're still going to die, no matter how far you run!"

Posted by: kevin on July 27, 2003 09:16 AM

What he said!

Posted by: Ruby on July 27, 2003 09:25 AM

Nice rant.

Posted by: Hank on July 27, 2003 12:18 PM

The Real Truth of Life :

Eat right, jog, die anyway.

Here is my philosophy on life. Assume with me you know from the moment you are born you will live precisely 100 years and not one minute more.

Guess what? You are going to piss 1/3 of that away (or more!) working. You should piss another third away sleeping. OK, so now we have a grand total (rounded) of 33 years left to do with as YOU want.

Ok, face facts - most of us pissed 20 of that 33 years away being kids. Some of us more, some of us less, but keep up with me here already. So now roughly speaking after you are all growed up, you have 13 years to enjoy your life. And that is if you live the full century!

So now knowing your entire century of life is going to net 13 years of some semblance of happiness /pleasure are you going to let some hippy-dippy do-goodnik-enviro-wacko tell YOU or ME that we can't shove a Big Mac in our pieholes? Or Krispy Kremes?

To everyone bent on bettering MY life for me -


I only have 13 years to pursue happiness on this planet! You are wasting my time, and you are starting to bore the hell out of me.

'Nuff said.

Posted by: Buster on July 27, 2003 01:06 PM

Sceintists and researchers have recently published that the leading cause of death in the WORLD is.... OXYGEN!!!!

Posted by: DaneBramage on July 27, 2003 01:49 PM

What Acidman said. I'm fucking sick of Nannies.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on July 27, 2003 03:29 PM

Who are the lazy MF's who sleep 1/3 of their lives?

Posted by: Larry on July 28, 2003 10:25 AM

See, that's just it. They WANT the plebians like us to have a 50% infant mortality rate and die at 40, because the earth is too crowded, doncha know. Never mind that every person currently on the planet could lie down in St Petersburg FL, and if they ever stopped complaining about GM foods, nobody would need to go hungry.
Really, though, the elitist bastards just want the whole thing to themselves. Environmentalists are the worst thing to happen to us since the Black Death.

Posted by: Pat on July 28, 2003 08:36 PM
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