Gut Rumbles

July 15, 2003

update before I go to bed

I came home today and immediately got nekkid except for my shirt, Man, that felt good. With all the pain that my GOOD FRIEND Roscoe had caused me today, I examined him carefully and noticed that he was bent severely to the right and didn't want to straighten out.

I thought he was ruined, but at least he was pointing the correct direction. I applied another ice pack and left him alone. I blogged nekkid for three hours.

Guess what? Now he's hanging just like he's supposed to except for a semi-boner that won't go away.

I gotta figure how to let my nuts dangle tomorrow while keeping Roscoe straight and sheltered.

Got any advice? And I don't want to hear about silk, because I don't have any. I'll figure out what to do in the morning.


Use some Vaseline to periodically grease him up like a boxer during the day.

Posted by: toddk73 on July 15, 2003 08:51 PM

Duct Tape - The Handyman's Secret Weapon

Posted by: Buster on July 15, 2003 09:56 PM

Corn Starch or baby powder the crap outta that thang (if the incisions will stand it)

keep the moisture level down, reduce the friction..

The vaseline will eventually add friction - dry lubricant., that is probably your best option.

Posted by: Wind Rider on July 15, 2003 10:08 PM

Don't know if moisture is good or bad. But you can buy Second Skin at any drugstore. 3x3in. sheets of liquid goop, with a wont-rip-your-skin-off covering patch. Used 'em on open blisters when I ice-skated. Works great.

Posted by: That Bitch on July 15, 2003 10:46 PM

Pack Roscoe in a cardboard box. Take two Motrins, go to bed.

Posted by: Jim Thomas on July 15, 2003 11:09 PM

Wear a kilt to work, and just let him hang? Or maybe could make a splint out of toilet paper rolls (without the toilet paper)? Work with an ice pack in your lap? Or just don't go to work and let some babe nurse you to health.

Posted by: mog on July 15, 2003 11:24 PM

Like I told you -- stick with the ice packs.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on July 16, 2003 12:08 AM

Can pain travel via TCP/IP?

Since I've been sucked into your blog I'm practicing walking bow-legged just in case I ever decide to er, ah, inflate my ego.

Posted by: Ron on July 16, 2003 12:19 AM

As the swelling goes down, Roscoe wants to stay in the position that he is in most of the time. If you tend to put Roscoe to the Right when you tuck him away for the day at work, then that will be the direction he wants to be in once you heal. If this bothers you, then make sure that he is in the position you want while he heals (shrinks). If this is not possible, then don't worry. Roscoe will 'hang' to the right (or left) when he is not standing up straight and tall. Once you start pumping your new third testicle, Roscoe will be very straight and FIRM and ready for action.

Your partners will not mind which way Roscoe points when he is 'sleeping' it's what happens when he is 'awoken' that is most important.

Posted by: Blangy on July 16, 2003 12:57 AM

Strap or tape roscoe straight up against your lower belly. Use gause or cotton wool for pading if you have to. This will let your pawn sign dangle. The drawback is undoing this arangement for the bathroom. Some have had success using safety pins to form a pouch to hold roscoe upright and straight in a pair of jockey shorts. The drawback being your threesome will be contained unless you do some razor blade tailoring and make a slot in the shorts for dangle room. You might cover this lash up with a real loose in the crouch pair of bib overhauls. Will you post a picture if you go this route and don't forget the straw hat.

Posted by: Toad on July 16, 2003 02:59 AM

Don't you dare use Vaseline or powder! You'll be looking at an infection quicker'n you can say HOLYFUCKTHATHURTS!

Find your loosest pants and wear those. Go buy some LOOSER ones after work tomorrow.

Hope Roscoe feels better soon, hon.

Posted by: Da Goddess on July 16, 2003 02:59 AM

Darn! age is catching up with my diseased brain. I've found it handy to knock back about two cups a day of euchh! cranberry juice. The old drain tube in Roscoe is now operating in somewhat crowded conditions. For me the cranberry habit seems to help prevent iriitation and infections since I've had the operation. I'd really like to add some vodka to the cranberry juice but I'm disgusting enough already.

Posted by: Toad on July 16, 2003 03:13 AM


Posted by: GREG on July 16, 2003 08:16 AM

wear loose comfortable sweatpants. Since they'll show the partial erection, also wear a loose t-shirt untucked. Keep the ice and Motrin close by!

Posted by: Barbara on July 16, 2003 08:21 AM

I know nothing of nut maintenence, but I think I know why you have a semi-boner, and perhaps da Goddess can back me up here.

With all the injury going on down there and the healing process working overtime, the blood is pumping full tilt on old Roscoe and well, we know what pumping blood does to a man's member.

I imagine things will remain at half mast until you are almost healed.

Man, do I ever feel sorry for you!

Posted by: Dawn on July 16, 2003 10:43 AM

One word...Duct Tape!!!!!

Posted by: Rumbear on July 16, 2003 02:02 PM

One word...Duct Tape!!!!!

Posted by: Rumbear on July 16, 2003 02:02 PM

One word...Duct Tape!!!!!

Posted by: Rumbear on July 16, 2003 02:02 PM
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