Gut Rumbles

July 05, 2003

night time

I don't sleep well and I know that I use this blog as a way to pretend that I have a life. I KNOW that I don't, but I can still fool myself if I don't think long about it. I let work and blogging keep me busy. Three-day weekends are NOT good for me.

I don't give a shit about much. I've lost so much of what I once considered precious that I don't invest myself in ANYTHING
anymore. I look around the Crackerbox and I wonder what I'm doing here. How did this shit happen to me?

I don't even have a picture of my ex-wife. The only pictures of my son that I have, I got from my mama or took myself. This shit ain't right.

Goddam. I'll NEVER understand the pure meanness I was served.

Wimmen. I sure picked a fine one to fall in love with. And I still love her today, damn me.


Well, Hell, Acidman. Just wanted to let you know that reading your blog has become pretty much a regular part of my Internet routines.

I don't have a life, either, quite frankly, and I appreciate reading about yours.

Chin up, brother.

Posted by: Dennis on July 5, 2003 11:28 PM

Nothing wrong with that, its people who can cut off thier love like it never happened that worry me..

Posted by: Trease on July 6, 2003 01:15 AM

Three day weekends are the worst when you're alone and wondering how that happened. My sympathies. I'm sure it won't make any difference, but reading your blog is one of my daily routines now and I look forward to it every night. Hang in there.

Posted by: Candy on July 6, 2003 01:38 AM

Hey, I'm here at 309am drinking dandlion wine and reading your blog........Yep I got me a life LOL...

Posted by: lip on July 6, 2003 02:09 AM

Well, my life at this moment consists of 12-hour shifts this weekend- which my supervisor did not bother to tell me about beforehand- and hoping I'll get enough sleep this evening to be coherent tomorrow night.

And, of course, reading your stuff.

Sympathize with ex-wife situation, doing that. It do suck, don't it?

Posted by: Mark on July 6, 2003 03:26 AM

Acidman, I know how it feels. Seems like all my favorite bloggers say their lives are a mess and so is mine. Maybe thats why theyre my favorites.

Posted by: keeping myself to myself on July 6, 2003 07:48 AM

Hey Acidman.....I can relate to your "issues" with the ex. I've been down that road twice...and yes, you are right, I didn't learn the first time. AND, I still think about them off and on. It seems to be less painful the longer you are away from my case 20 to 25 years. However, I don't think anyone ever gets away from any of the pain. As a lady friend said to me....."the only way to true love is to open yourself up to the possibility of pain"........ Keep your head up; it will get better.

Posted by: AnalogMan on July 6, 2003 12:00 PM

I know the feelings -- several of them. The 'what happened to my having a life?' feeling. The 'gawd, what the HELL was all that pointless misery about?" feeling. The 'sheesh, I *still* love her, am I stupid-doomed or what?' feeling.

I don't have a son to have to get little snippets of time with, or have to deal with a body handing me one stupid thing after another -- God be praised -- but the rest of it I know.

The only thing I can really say is that it has to be better to love and care and put yourself on the line and get WHACKED for it than it is to be one of those lummoxes who avoids getting hurt by the expedient of never really taking a stand -- saying to somebody, "I love you and want to marry you," or having children, or in any way leaving yourself open to being munged. The sort of safety that people get by not ever extending themselves is probably not worth having. Pain in the right cause is a badge of honor.

Now if only the pain would stop and things would get radically better, in the same way that they got radically worse ... I don't have any advice about that, except to be strong, keep on doing what you're doing (working hard, taking care of yourself, trying to be a stand-up guy) and hope that at some point things will indeed get better again.

Good luck.

Posted by: Erich Schwarz on July 7, 2003 02:22 AM
Post a comment