June 02, 2003
Okay, I blogged again
I told a secret that I thought I would never do. Yeah, I survived an attempted suicide. You know what really surprised me? I FAILED!!!
I am good at what I do. I thought I did that one right, too. Hell, the doctors told me I had no business being alive, because I DID do a good job. But I lived.
I had some Social Worker come to visit me for five straight days in the looney bin, when I was weak and thirsty, hooked up to an IV and sick and tired of being sick and tired. Do you know what she said to me?
She said, "You are alive for a REASON, Rob. This is DESTINY! You are MEANT to be ALIVE!"
I've never heard a bigger pile of horseshit in my entire life, but if it makes her feel better, that's fine with me. I enjoy pleasing people.
But I damned sure don't mind pissing them off, either.
Destiny, my ass.
I met a woman named Destiny once. She had big jugs, and dressed like a nurse. I gave her a dollar.
Ok... so you married a shrew from hell that did everything she could to destroy your life. I can't understand being in a very dark place after that... but why try to kill yourself? You'd just be doing that bitch's work for her.
That's what I have been told before about my surviving meningitis by way of recovering on the night I was expected to die. Sometimes I even think it, but then I see limited evidence.
On the other hand, I seem to influence people all out of proportion to what you'd expect, which is where my post a while back about being a catalyst came from. Subtract me and it would change a lot that I might never even know. And some that I do.
Ooops! Typo... I can understand is what I meant to say...
There are stories I could tell on myself, but I wouldn't dare sign my name to them, nor even have my name associated with the story within six degrees of separation.
I like to think I learned my lessons, and that the proof is in the fact these stories are all in the past tense.
Hell I have one hella'va story myself. But, I ain't going there today. Just suffice it to say that I've been around that bend in the road too. Just didn't ever get so down that I tried suicide. That don't mean I haven't thought of it though. What I'm saying is none of us have walked in your particular shoes Rob, but lots of us have walked that particular road. So you are not alone bub.
We're all in the same boat, so when one of us falls out and is drowning then a mate ought to be there to gaf you out of the rough waters.
I used to work with some wimmin like your ex too, they're not missed.
Steve, I don't remember that dollar...only the beer. ;)
I enjoy your rants (and occasional raves, too) so I am glad you came through.
But "destiny"? Fore-ordained? "There is a reason for it"? Nope. I class these with "G-d-fearing": why be afraid of what you say is pure love? And pre-determination sounds odd from those (and I'll bet Social Worker is one) who in the same breath talk of "taking control" of your own life.
And yeah, sometimes research theory does not match practice. My own showed 3 grams of substance X would be fatal, so surely 6...
John's onto something there. A-man, the BC lacks the ability to love truly.
You've got that ability in spades.
Just my opinion, but I think it means you're better than her, and sure as hell deserve better.