Gut Rumbles

June 02, 2003

Eating machines


I love those boys.

My son is the one with no shirt on (go figure). You're seeing the last of a half-pound of bacon vanish down their gullets along with four large scrambled eggs and a bagel each, which disappeared right off the bat. Those milk glasses were full when they started eating.

When I sat them down, I asked, "If you had three wishes that could come true, what would they be?"

Young Jack right away said, "I wish Quinton was my brother!"

That made me feel good, until Quinton said, "Shut up and eat, Jack. You're my FRIEND, not my brother."

"Okay, then I wish we were TWINS!"

"We can't be twins because I'm older than you are. Twins are born at the same time. I am nine years old and you aren't." Logic sucks, doesn't it?

"I'm EIGHT!"

"No, you're not. You're SEVEN. You'll be eight in two months. I'll be TEN YEARS OLD before you're nine."

I performed an intervention here, because Jack was getting pissed and Quinton was laying the seniority club on him pretty heavily.

I said, "I'm FIFTY-ONE years old, and I am TALL DOG around this house. You boys better shut up and eat or you'll never see another birthday. If there's a fight in THIS HOUSE, I'll be the one who starts it, and I'll be the one who finishes it." I struck a gunfighter's stance in the kitchen. "You poots want some of ME?"

They shut up and ate.

Little boys are like dogs and little girls are like cats. I've raised one of each and I know the difference. I bought a 22" deep inflatable wading pool at Wal-Mart last weekend. I inflated it, put water in it, and the boys immediately decided that it was a wrestling arena where the goal was to toss to your opponent out on the ground.

Jack's sisters came over and actually believed that the pool was meant for swimming. They were quickly dissuaded of that crazy idea by Jack, who is accustomed to fighting with his sisters. Quinton LET the girls throw him out of the pool because he won't fight them. He is WAY too much like me at his age, and the way I was for most of my life. He still believes in chilvary. He made the State Finals in his weight class last year in wrestling and he tosses Jack around like a rag doll. But he LET HIMSELF be manhandled by the girls.

Guess who the girls went after? I'll give you a hint... it wasn't Jack.

I'll never trust another goddam split-tail as long as I live. I am a dog, and I can't think like a cat. I am a man, and I damned sure can't think like a woman. I am 0-2 playing that game and I have learned my lesson. It cost me a LOT both times.

I would NEVER post anything like this about an ex-lover and I believe that the guy who did it is pure scum. But I also know that a woman will do worse than that to YOU and never feel a moment's remorse about it.

If you throw a man out of his home, take a man's son, run off with another man and then sue the father for child support, you pure-ass suck. Women do that shit all the time and the father is playing a hand from a stacked deck. I've seen those cards dealt to me. "Fairer Sex," my aching ass.

Bloodless cunts abound in this world. And they have Politically Correct sympathy on their side. I don't know why, because they machinate worse than any man ever could ever CONCEIVE of doing, but that's their soap-opera brains in action. Fuck 'em.

Did you ever notice that women who claim to have been "raped" get raped more than once? Did you ever notice that women who have "abusive relationships" with one guy go through several just like that one? WOMEN ARE FUCKED UP!!!

They are the Borg.

If they didn't have a pussy and red toenails, there'd be a fucking bounty on their asses.


He's found us out!
Quick, pass me that red toenail polish! I'll have him on his knees in no time.

... and all I'll do is ask!

Posted by: susan on June 2, 2003 05:56 PM

There are some locations on this planet where there are bounties on those pussies, if , they are sporting red toenails and bared boobies.
And, whether you're man or woman, YOU should learn at an early age to trust NO ONE.
So, what did you have for breakfast?

Posted by: quark2 on June 2, 2003 06:16 PM


I'm glad your still writing. This stuff is cool and interesting reading. I could give a rats ass about blog survivor, linking, delinking, etc. Keep up this kind of stuff and don't forget the rants!!!!!!!

Posted by: DavidB on June 2, 2003 06:27 PM

Glad to see the lads had a good breakfast...they must have done more than just eat, though...keep on typing!

Posted by: MommaBear on June 2, 2003 06:33 PM

But, did the boys get biscuits too? (Don't tell me you burned them again)

Not all women are evil. Not all men are, either.

It's all in how you handle yourself.

Great post, Acidman.

Posted by: Da Goddess on June 2, 2003 06:34 PM

Just keep postin ya big shitass, or I won't have nothin good ta read...

I really like this new medium.

Now I have to find out who this Salam is!

Posted by: pw101 on June 2, 2003 06:40 PM

Fine looking boys Acidman!

Posted by: Maripat on June 2, 2003 06:45 PM

A couple things:

My brother is going through this kind of crap now, with pretty much the kind of woman you describe. So far he could be doing worse. I haven't talked with him in a couple weeks, so I don't know if the good lawyer I referred him to has talked to him yet. But I digress. This is why I don't always regret my status.

It sounds, and always has, like you take great care of those kids. Good job!

Posted by: Jay Solo on June 2, 2003 07:18 PM

Great kids, there, Acidman.

Posted by: Kat on June 2, 2003 08:24 PM

Neither sex has the market cornered on assholery (or is it fucktoolery?). Anyway, they don't. Men have been running the world a lot longer than men have been free to do with it as they pleased. It wasn't until just the last century that women became something other than chattel.

Women are sneakier than men; men are simply out in the open with shit because the believe it to be their God-given right to behave as they wish. Women have been conditioned to seek permission first.

So that's where the scheming comes in. Well, that's my theory anyway.

Posted by: Joni on June 2, 2003 08:58 PM

This male enjoys hanging out with lesbians; I'm never tempted to dog them, and they honestly recognize what bitches women can be.

Posted by: Brett on June 2, 2003 09:08 PM

Thank you, A-man......

(Now-if only the people behind "The Soprano's" would quit screwin' around...)

Posted by: Stevie on June 2, 2003 09:17 PM

Joni hit it on the head.

Posted by: Ren on June 2, 2003 09:48 PM

Ever notice how the same men that bitch about women and how evil they are though they never can turn them down for sex? Ever notice that those same men are the ones that get turned on by looking at naked cartoon women? Glad your back. I knew you couldn't stop. I think you just wanted to hear all the, "oh Acidman, we love you, don't stop blogging" comments. Thats okat though. We all need an ego boost every once in a while.

Posted by: Sam on June 2, 2003 10:19 PM

Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't shoot 'em.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on June 2, 2003 10:28 PM

I really got a kick out of how different your two reacted about the pool. As far as women go, I hope you find a woman who'll change your mind about the rest of us...I promise theres a few of us who'd never do that to you. Now can you renew my faith in men and tell me I can find one who'll stay faithful? Or at least agree that oral sex is sex? :)

Posted by: Trease on June 2, 2003 11:50 PM

And what about all the goddamn men who cheat on their wives and then run off, leaving her holding the whole goddamn bag of shitty fucking diapers, while he's vacationing on some tropical island with a bimbo half his age? You think you're the only one who has been dumped on by the opposite sex? Come by my house on the right night, and I'll tell you what it feels like to be in my fucking shoes. Your wife left you, so what? At least she didn't bash your head in with a baseball bat before she left. Damn. I'm sorry, but I've read this and the others several times, and I ain't got no more pity for you than you would for me, and I'm no more fucked up than you are from the looks of things around here either. But I will say this for you, you're good for getting a rise out of folks, and I admire that.

Posted by: Lee on June 3, 2003 12:09 AM

Concur yr analysis.

In my case, after a 16-month contested custody case in a state where it ran 19 to 1 for MOTHERS, I was awarded custody... and for the first time in my adult life, began living like things were coming together for the better...

Until she kidnapped our almost-4year-old son, who'd been raised by me for 3 years after she left to be with the man of her dreams, whom she left to be with a man who really understood her, whom she left to be with a man who'd help her win her custody case, whom she left to be with a bunch of femlib-nazis who had her file child abuse papers against me in 7 of the western United States... while she laid low with my beloved son...

So, yeah, I understand that heartache thing... doesn't go away, smoke won't blow it away and vodka doesn't wash it away...

Glad you're feeling better, Amigo. You're moving in a courageous way, good on ya, Mate!

Posted by: Sharpshooter on June 3, 2003 06:21 AM

I'm so sorry she did this to you, and your son. Women like her make me ashamed to be of the same gender. I'd give you a hug if I could. :o)

Posted by: Leah on June 4, 2003 04:26 PM
Post a comment