Gut Rumbles

May 06, 2003


I went ballistic last night and wrote some stuff that I probably shouldn't have written. But I do that all the time. I felt badly about it this morning, so I apologized for my sins and opened my email.

Lo and Behold! I may have started a TREND here! I have several people offering to start CRAP BLOGGING!!!!

We went through the BORE BLOGGING stage, so I figure that crap-blogging is the next logical step. That can take bore-blogging to an entirely new level!

I may have to try this myself.

* When I lived on the mini-farm, I went outside and cut the grass one day. After I was finished with that four-hour job, I walked into the house to get a beer. My wife said "STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!! Now, look DOWN!!!" I did. I had the "Mark of Clinton" on the bottom of my shoe and had left one big track on the carpet. We had two fairly big dogs back then. One had left me a gift in the back yard and I stepped in it. That's serious crap.

* When Quinton was a baby in diapers, my wife went to the grocery store. Quinton proceeded to shit all over himself while she was gone. I took him outside and cleaned his nasty ass with a water hose, then I let him run around nekkid for a while. One of the dogs ate the shitty diaper and rolled on it as soon as it hit the ground. That was serious crap. I had to give the dog a bath, too.

* I have a toilet that flushes about half the time it is supposed to. I don't understand this problem. It makes a big "WHOOSHING" sound, swirls the water around, then just quits and leaves whatever I deposited in there floating around on the surface of the water. I can re-flush, and everything goes away. I have a two-flush, Al Gore toilet. That is serious crap.

* I saw a picture of Al Franken today. That is serious crap.

* Hillary Clinton. You take it from there.

* My blog. It IS crap, but it is consistent crap and prolific crap. I wish somebody would start one of those ridiculous contests for "The Most Crappy Blog" and I might win. I write because I don't have a real life and this crap gives me something to do between getting off work and going to bed. I am genuine crap. I am serious crap.

That's MY humble opinion.


I dropped my cell phone in the toilet a few weeks ago.

You can guess the crap part.

Posted by: michele on May 6, 2003 06:53 PM

Crap!! You have some good stories!

Posted by: Merrily on May 6, 2003 07:13 PM

But it's 1st CLASS CRAP...isn't that what counts?!

Posted by: MommaBear on May 6, 2003 07:34 PM

Bart Simpson said it best :


Posted by: Buster on May 6, 2003 07:36 PM

I wish I could be so crappy.

Posted by: Carl on May 6, 2003 07:53 PM

Crap is in the eyes -- or the nose, anyway -- of the beholder. A little fertilizer helps the garden grow., so keep slingin' it, A-man.

Posted by: Tobacco Road Fogey on May 7, 2003 12:54 AM
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