Gut Rumbles

April 22, 2003

the haunted house

The air conditioner was making all the strange noises I heard last night. Quinton and Jack left a piece of plastic from some toy box stuck to the ceiling in the hallway right under a vent. Every time the blower kicked on, the plastic flapped on the ceiling and sounded just like footsteps in the hall.

I found it today after a very uneasy night. Be glad that you didn't come to visit me yesterday evening. I might have shot your ass.

That sumbitch piece of plastic had me FREAKING last night. When you live by yourself, you become accustomed to the usual noises in your home, and when something starts making sounds that you ARE NOT used to, it'll make your skin crawl. Bejus knows I was froggy last night.

I walked my entire house with a pistol in one hand and a golf club in the other. If I found a stranger, I was going to shoot him, and if I found a wild animal, I was going to break its neck with a King Cobra five-iron. Or vice-versa, depending on how excited I was at the time I encountered the goddam noisemaker. Hell, I was nekkid and wild-eyed at the time. I might have just scared the shit out of anyone I encountered and made them die of a heart attack at the sight of me.

But I found nothing. I didn't sleep well last night.

I didn't find the culprit until an hour ago, when I happened to walk under it when the air conditioner kicked on. "Thump, thump thump," it said, just like a kid's feet walking down the hall. I saw what it was. "You son of a bitch," I thought. I peeled it off the celing and threw it in the trash can. Now the sounds are back to normal around the Crackerbox.

Have YOU ever had something like that happen?


No. I sleep well. Share my bedroom with a Rottweiler. Somehow she knows the difference in sounds and only reacts to threats. Get one. You'll like it! LOL

Posted by: Indigo on April 22, 2003 11:47 AM

Funny you should mention it - had a couple of teenagers pull the old "ring the doorbell at midnight" gag last night.

'Cept, of course, that I didn't realize it was just teenagers ringing the doorbell until I had lept out of my bed, grabbed my .44 from my bureau (wife doesn't want it loaded; I do, got in a lot of trouble for it, too)...

Doorbell rang as I pulled the .44 from its holster. This is, mind you, a second or two after HEAVY footsteps on the front porch...

Ran down the stairs as they got back into their car. Had they woken my sick 2 year old son, I probably would have thought about shooting at them...

Posted by: Guy Montag on April 22, 2003 02:03 PM

For a few moments last night, I thought you'd sent that pesky poltergeist my way. Came to find out it was the cat playing.

Posted by: Da Goddess on April 22, 2003 02:17 PM

5 iron? I'd use a wood. Just like baseball sounds wrong with aluminum bats, bashing a critter sounds wrong without the thunk of wood.

Posted by: Chuck on April 22, 2003 02:19 PM

The bathroom door will shut if it is left less than halfway open. It sounds like someone just walked in and shut the door behind them, and the first time it did it, the guy next door was working out. It sounded like footsteps in there.

took me seven minutes to get the nerve to open that frelling door.....

Posted by: Sailorette on April 22, 2003 07:51 PM

I think you'd get along well with my Uncle.

He's into Irish SCAing.

Wouldn't YOU run from a five-nine hairy guy in boxers who runs out packing a sword and battle axe when there are strange noises out front?

Posted by: Sailorette on April 22, 2003 07:56 PM

You really should use the Sam Shepard Memorial 3-iron for bashing heads. It works so well you'll never go back to persimmon again.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on April 22, 2003 08:43 PM

My house is 60 freaking years old, its two stories and wooden, if you breathe in it sounds like there are people walking around.

Posted by: Dave The Australian on April 23, 2003 03:46 AM
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