February 23, 2005

let's do a "gender" thing

After reading this article, I was inspired, or at least roused from a drunken stupor, to realize that it's true--- Men are from Mars and Wimmen are from Venus.

I am soliciting posts (600 words or less) on this topic from any blogger who wants to participate. DO NOT put them in my comments. Email them to me and I will post my favorites and I hope to come as close to a 50-50 ratio of Martians and Venusians as I can. The address is pigmenteer@yahoo.com.

Here is my take on the matter:

If you gaze into the night sky, two planets are usually easy to see. One is Mars, which is small and somewhat dim, with a slightly reddish hue. The other is Venus, which shines brightly, like a glittering star, especially just before dawn. The difference is fitting.

Mars was the Roman God of War. That's about as macho as it gets--- being the God of War--- and his companions were the wolf and the woodpecker (go figure). He was a typical male: "With Mars, there is no contemplation before action. The drive associated with Mars differs from that of the Sun in that it is self-assertion rather than assertion of the will; it is raw energy rather than creative energy."

Mars probably liked to lie on the sofa, drink beer and play with the remote control on the temple TV when he wasn't off doing bloodthirsty battle or siring illegitimate children. He was a typical male specimen.

Venus, on the other hand, was struck by Cupid's arrow and fell in love with Adonis. She thought with her heart (or her loins) and never recovered from that arrow-wound. She was a typical female.

These differences are apparent today. Little boys like to play war games, fight and fall out of trees. They grow up to play golf, fight and fall off bar stools. They are tempermental and aggressive all their lives. Their companions are dogs and their own peckers.

Little girls like to play with dolls and hold fake tea-parties. They grow up to wear sexy clothes, spend 30 minutes "putting on their face" before going out somewhere and bitch a lot when they don't get their way. They are pouty and hormonal, prone to hyperventilate and get the vapors at any moment. Their companions are cats and divorce attorneys.

Men are dumb, just like that dim bulb of a planet you see in the night sky. Wimmen are devious, capable of blinding men with that bright, glittering light they emit. Mars is a cold, barren planet, much like a rock-strewn desert. Venus is a hot, moist place, shrouded in dense clouds so that no one can see what is actually underneath that camoflage.

I can't think of a better way to describe the difference between men and wimmen. Mars may be the God of War, but he'll get his bloody ass handed to him in a heartbeat if he gets into a cat-fight with a Venusian. The reason that there are no men on Venus is because the wimmen ran 'em all off and kept all the property. Martians are not allowed to visit, but they are expected to send child support and alimony checks every month.

I blame it all on Cupid. If that silly bastard had been more careful with that arrow, we wouldn't have this situation today.