Gut Rumbles
 

February 16, 2005

advice

If one more person tells me that I need a girlfriend in my life, that I need to find "love" again and share all of my wonderful, gentle, caring attributes with a Significant Other, I'm gonna go on a got-dam rampage with a baseball bat while I howl at the moon and smash car windshields and U.S. mailboxes. I don't WANT a girlfriend.

And I damned sure don't want one who would have ME.

(Besides... if I want a companion, I can get one from a warehouse, kinda like shopping at Home Depot instead of engaging in exotic courtship rituals.)

Comments

smashing mail boxes is a federal offense. Just thought you'd want to know...

Posted by: Circa Bellum on February 16, 2005 11:41 PM

The day Acidman worries about offending the feds is the day we all better just hang it up.

Posted by: McGehee on February 16, 2005 11:45 PM

I want it posted here that it was not I that suggested a 'gurfren'.

Posted by: Marcus on February 17, 2005 12:02 AM

Fuck you Rob. A girlfriend would do you worlds of good. Try it. You'll like it. To cop a line.

Now, I know a few strippers who need some love, and...

Posted by: Velociman on February 17, 2005 12:28 AM

Velo speaks of evil. Ban his ass.

Posted by: Marcus on February 17, 2005 12:33 AM

Oddly enough, they're (we're) having about the same conversation over on hogonice.com now. Must be the phase of the moon....

Posted by: Grumpy Old Ham on February 17, 2005 08:53 AM

Oh, man, haven't I heard THAT line about a million billion times in the last two years!

Let's see, I need a girlfriend so I can let another woman get under my skin and inside my soul so she can rip my heart out anytime she feels like it

I need a girlfriend so I can be told that the way I have been doing things, and quite well thank you very much, is not acceptable to the rest of the world, i.e., her

I need a girlfriend to suck up what little cash I have left to live on after I get done shoveling the majority of it towards my own BC every month, not that I MIND living on beans and rice

I need a girlfriend to poke, prod, attempt to mold and otherwise mess with my mind into what she wants it to be, before it is fully recovered from the damage done by a ghastly marriage and vicious, shoot-the-wounded divorce

You get the idea.


Posted by: maggot on February 17, 2005 09:12 AM

One of my closest male friends is nearing 40, and has never been married. Sure, at times he gets lonely, but he doesn't feel a girlfriend or marriage would be the answer.

He has a cat and a roommate, for when he needs some friendship. He simply CHOOSES not to date or get married. He feels it takes too much time and energy to deal with.

And this man is financially stable, very handsome, intelligent, and funny. He would be the "ideal guy," but he prefers his life as it is.

I don't see why other people find this lifestyle to be such an issue. If a man does it, he has emotional issues. If a woman does it, we label her a feminist bitch. Regardless of WHY someone does it, labeling someone isn't warranted.

I think you know yourself better than anyone Rob. Screw everyone else. What you think of yourself is the most important thing. :)

Posted by: Dana on February 17, 2005 10:16 AM

Nevermind a girlfriend.
Get a doctor!!! PLEASE!!!

Posted by: Indigo on February 17, 2005 12:49 PM

Rob....Dana's words are true.
But hey, you don't HAVE TO screw everyone. Pace yerself...

Posted by: Marcus on February 17, 2005 01:06 PM

Fuck the parasites? Every damn one of them.

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on February 17, 2005 05:02 PM
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