January 30, 2003
Columbus was a racist, genocidal dead white European male
I had enough history credits in college to go to school one extra quarter and have a double-major. But I was happy with the degree in English literature, and it has served me well all my life by allowing me read the instructions on ATM machines so that I can extract the money I make today, manufacturing chemicals.
History was pretty much the examination of what happened in the past when I studied it. Yeah, I had to do that boring stuff, such as memorizing names, dates and facts (Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock before 1492, and Cyrus McCormack invented the "Grim Reaper," which hasn't worked since Laurence Simon started his Dead Pool, and Beethoven wrote loud music because he was deaf.) I got tested on this stuff and I did okay back then.
It doesn't work that way anymore.
For the second semester in a row, high school students got a break on how their final history exams were scored because school officials worried that too many would fail the standardized tests. The new American and world history exams, which were given in December, are uniform throughout the Palm Beach County School District. There is a 100-question exam for each of the two history courses required of Palm Beach County students -- world history and American history -- and that test was supposed to count for 20 percent of a student's semester grade.
Bejus! These are the ignorant, asswitted spawn of parents who can't figure out a punch-card ballot in a Presidential election! You expect their one-brain-celled offspring to comprehend HISTORY? SHIT! They can't understand the concept of consciousness.
But after school officials did an informal survey of last month's results, they decided to use a different calculation that worked to the student's benefit. Report cards reflected the better of two grades: either the final exam grade or the average of the first two quarterly grades.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The kids all failed and you went scrambling to cover your asses. That "different calculation" is going to amount to WRONG ANSWER=RIGHT ANSWER when you're finished, am I correct? Who gives a flying dingbat whether the kids learn history or not? Give 'em good grades, keep your job, and Bejus stays in heaven and all is right with the world.
The school district decided to use uniform history final exams more than a year ago to ensure that all students in the district were learning about state-required subjects such as African and African-American history, the Holocaust and women pioneers.
I want EVERYONE WHO READS THIS BLOG to study that last quote carefully. Think about history, then think about "state-required subjects such as African and African-American history, the Holocaust and women pioneers." Does anybody really give a shit if students flunk this kind of goddam politically-correct indoctrination that tries to pass as history in school today? I don't.
I would rather my son, Quinton, learn NOTHING AT ALL in public school than have his head crammed full of shit. He doesn't need to "learn" about some mythical King Mooga-Booga who invented a flying saucer in Africa in 500 BC, according to Swahili legend. He needs to learn history to understand how the world works, because it's ALWAYS worked the same way. I've read his "Social Studies" books and they make me want to talk to Ralph and Huey around the porcelain throne.
Then last spring, the test made national news in its first use -- when administrators decided to use a curve that would give students an A for answering just 54 of the 100 questions correctly.
Yes, President Bush! Give these people MORE MONEY to educate our children! If we're spending $8,000 dollars per student and the little shits can't find the USA on a map, spend $10,000 per student and the same teachers who didn't show them doodly-squat for $8,000 will do a LOT better. Gag me.
Florida's Sunshine State standards do outline what students should know at each grade level, including history, but the standards are broad, and two teachers could conceivably teach the same course with a focus on different areas. When teachers made up their own tests, they could put emphasis on the areas they focused on. With a standardized test, they have to cover everything.
Well slap my ass and call me Fanny! IMAGINE rocketing through the Louisiania Purchase, the Lewis and Clark expedition and the California Gold rush in a mere two weeks! Hell, you need THREE WEEKS just to talk about Sacajaweia today, to make sure you cover all the reasons why we have a goddam silver dollar with her name and face on it, even though nobody has a clue what she looked like. She was a liberated woman, one of the first true feminists, and a Native American besides. Lewis and Clark, white male European swine that they were, probably would have died if she hadn't rescued them by showing them how to be one with nature and spare the environment.
Bullshit. She was probably a camp-whore instead of a guide. She probably Clarked every Lewis she could get her hands on or legs wrapped around for the entire trip.
I am sick of this shit. You want all of that fast-paced history in a nutshell? Napolean needed money for his War To Conquer Europe. He had some allegedly French land in the New World that he didn't give a shit about and he offered to sell it to President Thomas Jefferson in 1803. We bought it, lock, stock and barrel for $15 million. Napolean took his money and went to Waterloo. Jefferson hired Lewis and Clark to see just what we bought.
They wandered that vast land for two years and were extremely lucky to survive. But they came back with detailed journal entries, maps, plant samples, drawings and all sorts of other neat crap, plus GREAT drinking stories to tell. We bought a LOT of land out west. The concept of Manifest Destiny came shortly thereafter.
As far as the gold rush goes, I would teach that it started at Sutter's Mill in 1848, and people loaded onto anything that would roll to get out there and become wealthy. The gold was gone before most of them ever arrived, but they stayed anyway, absorbed some Okies in the 1930's and eventually mutated into the certified nut-bowl of America.
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