Gut Rumbles

December 20, 2004

obese people

At the risk of offending fat people, I'm about to post a politically incorrect blog entry. I did some research today and I have decided that some people are fat because THEY EAT TOO FUCKING MUCH!!!

Bejus! I ate lunch at the Western Sizzlin' Steak House in Pooler, Georgia today. I KNOW that they cut their steaks off old, ragged, diabetic cows and it ain't the finest food in the world, but I LIKE it. For $10, I can get a fine meal, all the genuinely GOOD sweet tea I want to drink and the waitresses flirt with me, too. How can you beat that in a fancy place that costs three times the money?

They serve a buffet that is loaded to the gills with all kinds of good food---fried chicken, fried catfish, roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, rice and every kind of vegetable known to man. You pay a flat fee and eat ALL YOU WANT from the buffet.

I usually get a small steak and a salad. I don't eat a lot. But I enjoy watching the buffet buffaloes.

Mother of Gawd! One woman, who probably wore a size=Circus Tent stretch pants loaded TWO PLATES full of food from the buffet, carted that crap, enough to feed a family of five, to her table just for HERSELF, then went back and loaded a goddam soup bowl with butter and sour cream to ladle over her food. She devoured the whole fucking thing, too.

"Honey? Does this dress make my ass look fat?" No, darlin.' It ain't the dress.

I watched a guy with a pot-belly, the size of which made it IMPOSSIBLE for him to see his own dick when he looks down, load up two plates the size of a CARE food shipment to starving children in Bangladesh and waddle off to eat everything except the plates, and HE went back for more.

These people NEVER pass on the dessert, either. The place was LOADED (and I do mean a LOAD) with them.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to take a shit after eating that much food. I'll bet the neighbors know, because the earthquake rumbles they feel when somebody voids THAT kind of turd-blast must make the windows shake. If they smoked on the toilet, they'd blow themselves into the next century if the methane gas ever ignited.

If fat people want sympathy from ME, they ain't going to get it, because I know what makes them fat. THEY EAT LIKE FUCKING PIGS!!! There is no goddam excuse for eating the way I saw those people do today. The fact that YOU don't know how much is "enough" doesn't mean that you aren't responsible for the way you look.

The sad part is, their kids are fat, too. Wonder where they learned that from?



Holy shit, you got that right, but you are gonna catch hell!
There is a woman in my office that eats like it is going out of style. I even saw her licking the tupperware bowl after she ate out of it. Gross.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on December 20, 2004 04:48 PM

What gets me is you follow them out to the parking lot and they got the Handicap spot.

Their also the ones with the little electric cart @ WallyWorld...

Posted by: Mark -- on December 20, 2004 05:06 PM

It's really not that hard to stay lean. Regular excericse and food moderation aren't that hard. And all fat people eat are candy bars and McDonalds. God. . . . No wonder.

Posted by: Gil-galad on December 20, 2004 05:50 PM

Victims or selfish sociopaths straining the nanny state? Shall we love them to death or harrass them to death?

What's the difference?

Posted by: Brett on December 20, 2004 07:29 PM

Somehow I can't see Key eatin' pussy.

...but I'd like to!

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on December 20, 2004 08:28 PM

i never went to one of those buffet places before, but since my mom in law has lived w/us , i've taken her to "country buffet" cause she likes it! rob, i'm amazed, just amazed at what people put on their plates!!!! you are spot on--the bigger the ass, the bigger the plate!!! someday tho--i'm gonna get shot--i openly stare at them and then shake my head--oh well

Posted by: mikeymom on December 20, 2004 08:28 PM

One unusually effective excuse is, "I am fat because I really like the taste of food. The taste of food is my primary pleasure in life." Thus "I" must keep getting fatter?

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on December 20, 2004 09:13 PM

Right on the money! When I was 21 I had a size 5 ass and a size 13 chest. I woulda bugged Acidman's eyeballs right out of his head. When I was 31 I had a size 7 ass and size 13 chest. Still buggin'. Now I'm 41 and have a size 20 ass and a size 26 chest and nobody's buggin' anymore and there's no other reason than I eat too friggin' much. Fat people whining about age and "slow metabolism" are a pet peeve of mine, which is why I'm posting this. Age doesn't slow metabolism down nearly as much as sitting on the couch and loading your cells down with pure garbage for fuel...and anyone that says otherwise is a either deluded or a flat-out lying.

That's not to say that fat people shouldn't be okay with themselves. Have fun with it! Make brutally honest jokes about your weight and enjoy the obligatory lack of restraint at an all-you-can-eat buffet, if that's your thing. I've finally made peace with the aesthetics of my "curves", which, ironically, has put me on the road to losing them. But DON'T whine about slow metabolism or age being the reason you can't lose weight. I have never met a fat person that didn't over-eat...or at least, a fat person who didn't start out on the road to obesity by over-eating...and I know a LOT of big people. Too many of us honest fatties know from experience that it's our own damn fault we're fat...that fat is not a force of nature...even if skinny opinionated fuckers like Acidman can only see it.

Posted by: Amy on December 21, 2004 10:30 AM

Not that my opinion matters much on Rob's blog, but I agree with only 95% of this post. My mom is fat. But I can honestly say she eats only a little. I can't explain it. She's done every diet there is, doesn't eat really bad food, regularly sees a nutritionist. She tries to exersize, but her weight makes that a problem (back, knees). It's in her genes. I think you're right about the buffet buffaloes, but if you just see a person on the street, I would like to think you don't assume that they're nasty gluttons automatically.

Posted by: Michael on December 21, 2004 11:24 AM

I still love you, Rob. At least now I understand.

And you can ask Catfish what kind of glutton I am. No, I didn't "eat light" in Helen to impress anyone.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on December 23, 2004 03:30 AM

Hmmm. either all my comments in this thread are casualties of Rob's spam purge (god knows I've bombed a few over at my place as well), or he's afraid I'm going to drive down south and eat all his beans and cornbread...
Since it's saying I couldn't post because I had my URL
posted, I'll take that as a anti-spam wound...
The beans and cornbread are safe from my fatass
for now (MHuahahahahah!)

Posted by: Graumagus on December 23, 2004 01:00 PM
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