December 20, 2004

close to the truth

What this guy doesn't know is that I once applied for a job as a department store Santa during the Christmas holidays when I was in college. I thought at the time that the experience might make a good magazine article. Plus, I wanted to see how many hot chicks I could persuade to sit on my lap and have their picture taken with "Santa," as I copped a feel.

I didn't get the job. I was a victim of age discrimination and the store hired an old, fat fart with a real white beard instead of me. What kind of bullshit was that? I think I was profiled. I believe that my civil rights were violated. I had ALL the qualifications for the job, except for the beard, the fat belly and the jolly "HO! HO! HO!" laugh.

Hell, I could smoke a PIPE, although what I put in it back then probably wasn't what Santa preferred when he got ready to guide a reindeer-pulled, flying sleigh loaded with toys in the dark of night. I probably would have crashed the sleigh somewhere in the Alps while I was trying to relight my pipe in the wind.

But I still resent the way I was treated by THE MAN when all I wanted was a job. It's THE SYSTEM, brother! It's OUT TO GET YOU! Never forget that fact and make sure you carry that chip on your shoulder HIGH, so that everyone can see it. Got-dam! They hire a fat, bearded guy who looks like Santa and even has his own red suit and tell ME to go to hell? Tell ME that the other guy is more qualified???

That's racism... or something like that.