Gut Rumbles
 

December 07, 2011

well, duh!

Originally published September 19, 2003

After I threatened to shoot a troll who assumed my identity and ran around leaving shitty comments on various blogs, the bastard reported me to Alltel and my ISP dropped me like a hot rock on July 3rd.

What they DID NOT do was stop billing me for the internet service that THEY cut off. I quit paying the internet charges and paid only the phone bill. I received a nastygram a few days ago saying that I owed Alltel money for the internet account that THEY cancelled, that I've been billed for since it was cancelled and I better put up, or lose my phone service AND my good credit.

I called Alltel. I spoke to a very polite drone who told me that HE could not handle my problem because "security" had cancelled my account. I told him that nobody owed me any money. I paid the phone bill. I just wanted the internet charges dropped from my account because I didn't have internet services through his company anymore. Oh, by the way, YOU FUCKERS DID THAT!!! HOW DARE YOU continue to charge me for something YOU took away and then threaten me because I'm not paying for it?

He said that security only could handle my problem. So, I called Security. Nobody answered the phone.

I got an answering machine, eventually, and I left a message: "My name is Robert Smith. You shits cut off my internet service on July third. I keep getting charged for internet service that YOU cut off. I talked to some witless wonder in your main office who told me that only YOU, who cut my service could stop the bogus bills from appearing on my account. Of course YOU are too busy to answer the fucking phone, just as you were too busy to notify whomever you should have that I NO LONGER HAVE AN ACCOUNT WITH YOU since July third. If I did MY job the way you do YOURS, my boss would run ME the down the road tomorrow. Take the charges off my bill NOW, because I don't owe you any money. Thank you, fuck you, and don't send me another goddam bill."

I like cussing into answering machines. I would have much rather cussed an actual human being from "Security," but I'll settle for what I can get.

How ridiculous is this anyway? THEY cut me off, then get THEY all snooty when I don't pay them for something I don't have anymore.

Yeah. Go buy Alltel stock tomorrow. That place is manned by winos.

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