Gut Rumbles
 

September 20, 2009

Not older, but better

Originally published August 17, 2004

Some wines, good bourbon and hand-made guitars get better with age. People don't.

What am I BETTER at now than I was when I was young? Let's think about that one... okay, I am a better writer than I was when I was young and I'm a lot better at crossword puzzles today. I've done enough traveling that I can find my way around ANY airport better than I once could. Wimmen don't intimidate me anymore. I am aware of my own mortality and that fact doesn't frighten me.

But... I can't run and jump and burn the candle at both ends the way I did when I was young. I don't kick as high anymore. I stay tired a lot. I was a weight-lifting 40-miles a week jogger in my younger days. I once was a stud-muffin and now I'm an old geezer.

Am I better in bed than I once was? No, I don't think so. I know how to please a woman better than ever, but youthful enthusiasm, all-night stamina and a ceaseless quest for adventure outweigh what I feel now about sex.

To tell you the truth... I would rather have a woman rub my aching back than give me a piece of ass. I've HAD a lot of ass. But a good back-rub is difficult to find. I'm getting kinda like that old farmer down the road from me. He says, "I tell my wife to promise me some every night. I don't GET it, but she promises me and that's good enough. Once I couldn't wait to have some. Now I always feel like I just had it."

Growing old is a bitch.

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