Gut Rumbles

March 19, 2009

I took a walk today

Originally published February 21, 2004

I walked that stupid fuck Oddball all around the neighborhood today. Actually, I did it because my left foot is feeling functional again, and I want to get that mutha back into working shape. I had a month of real problems with broken bones, but I believe that they are healing now.

I can walk without a limp if I concentrate. I have destroyed the two little toes on my left foot, but who needs them anyway? I have lost a lot of purple color and the swelling over the past couple of weeks and I can walk like a normal human being now, most of the time.

Nobody in the neighborhood likes my dog. That makes us even. I don't like my fucking dog, either. I believe that I know now why that pissant was in the pound when I got her. She may be headed back there, too. A lot of people say that I am not right in the head, but I can beat the shit out of that dog on a good fake, if she wants a contest. I know a natural-born shitass when I see one, and she is it.

I want to make love with someone tonight. But I believe that she hates me now.

Maybe I could use the dog for ransom. "BED ME, OR THE BITCH GETS IT RIGHT HERE ON THE PORCH!" I dunno. That's not a real sensitive approach
is it? That's kind of like flinging her a front leg and cackling that there will be a back leg tomorrow if she doesn't hang nekkid from the ceiling fan and call me Conan.

Fuck. If I persue that avenue, she may be the head football coach of Colorado tomorrow. But hell, I may be Defensive Coordinator.

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