Gut Rumbles
 

January 08, 2009

Emptiness

Originally published November 27, 2003

Quinton is staying at Blood Mountain for Thanksgiving. He showed up unexpectedly yesterday morning to see Oddball and check out the .22 rifle that I actually bought for him instead of me. He wanted to go shooting right then, but told him that we couldn't. His mama was in the driveway with the engine still running in her big, silver SUV.

I didn't speak to her. She dropped by only to pick up Jack, who went to the mountains with Quinton.

I watched her ride off down the road and a wave of emotion broke over me. I slept with that woman for ten years of my life and I never wanted anyone else. I loved her with all my heart. Now, whenever I see her, I want to puke.

How the hell does that happen?

I've fucked up a lot in my life. I've made mistakes that cost me a bunch. But I NEVER set out to be a cold-blooded shit-ass in ANYTHING I ever did. I don't understand cold-blooded shit-asses. I don't think the way that they do.

I obviously have difficulty recognizing one, too. Hell. I married Jennifer.

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