December 31, 2008
The ten commandments
Originally published December 24, 2004
I'll bet that I've seen The Ten Commanments at LEAST 50 times. In my early college years, that movie played at the drive-in a lot, and my friends and I would go see it frequently. Armed with a couple of six-packs, a bottle or two of Boone's Farm and a pockeful of hand-rolled cigarettes, we had many a religious experience while watching that drama unfold.
That's where I first leaned that Moses was named by idiots with no imagination whatsoever. His full name was Moses Moses Moses. Just watch the movie and COUNT how many times people call him by his full name. "Oh, Moses, Moses, Moses!" EVERYBODY does that, all the way through the movie.
Yul Brenner was a fantastic Pharoh, even with his bikini-waxed chest. When it came time for someone to stagger off to the concession stand to buy some popcorn and Jordan almonds to satisfy our munchies, we matched coins to pick a victim. If you were odd-man out, everybody in the car said. "YOU LOSE!!! So let it be written, so let it be done!" and off you went to get the goodies.
Remember when Moses Moses Moses climbed the mountain and experienced the burning bush? Remember how he changed after that experience? Remember those bloodshot eyes, that maniacal hair and the expression of pure ecstacy on his face?
Sit in a 1962 Dodge Dart at the drive-in with enough dope-smoke in the car to cut with a knife and haul out in solid cubes under your arm. Then look at the person sitting next to you. HOLY BEJUS!!! He looks just like Moses Moses Moses!!!
That's what a burning bush will do to you.
Plus, when Moses Moses Moses parted the Red Sea, we all climbed out and pissed next to the car. It was a ritual.
I wish some cable station was showing that movie tonight. I'd like to see it again. If I really tried, I might even be able to scrounge up some burning bush to smoke while I ate popcorn and shouted, "SO LET IT BE WRITTEN!!! SO LET IT BE DONE!!! when I wanted another beer. I'd have to go get the beer myself, but I'd Pharoh my ass off anyway.
I LIKE that movie.
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