Gut Rumbles
 

December 29, 2008

Feed it to the dog

Originally published December 24, 2004

Did you ever find something really questionable in your refrigerator, open the lid and SMELL IT, searching for a clue about whether it was fit to eat or not? Of course not. NOBODY does that.

When it didn't smell bad, even if you couldn't remember exactly what it was, did you remain uncertain about actually EATING it, even though you were desperately hungry and you had no other food in the house? Of course not. NOBODY does that.

Did you ever try it out on your dog? You know, to see if HE'LL eat it. You've gotta figure that if HE eats it and doesn't die, it probably won't kill YOU either. Of course not. NOBODY does that.

Did you ever watch your dog scarf that stuff with his tail wagging and then decide to have a bowl for yourself? Did you eat it and think, "That wasn't bad," and then watch your dog start making "ACK! ACK! ACK!" noises right before he puked all over the carpet? Of course not. NOBODY does that.

Did you ever reach for the phone to call 911 to report self-poisoning, only to watch your dog eat his own puke right off the carpet, then waddle happily off to his bed for a nap? Did you decide then NOT to call 911 and just wait to see what happened next? Of course not. NOBODY does that.

I certainly never have.

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