Gut Rumbles
 

September 21, 2008

language

Originally PUBLISHED September 16, 2005

Here are a few of my favorite "Southernisms."

*Happy as a dead pig in sunshine.

*Hard as Chinese arithmetic.

*Ran like Moody's Goose.

*Dumb as a can of dirt.

*Mixed up as a frog in a blender.

*Lazy as a cut dog.

*Tighter than Dick's hatband, which I always thought might be a reference to circumcision.

*Happy as a dog with two dicks.

*The best part of him dripped down his mama's leg.

*Ran like a rat with its ass on fire.

*I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and then sell him for what he THINKS he's worth. I could retire tomorrow.

*He's too lazy to wipe his own ass. He just waits for it to dry up and flake off by itself.

*Fish, or cut bait.

*If wishes were horses, beggars could ride.

*Shit, or get off the pot.

*Hold my beer and watch THIS! (Sometimes--- famous last words.)

I really like living in the South.

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