Gut Rumbles
 

May 01, 2008

I wanna run for governor

Originally published August 23, 2003

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I don't live in California (thank Bejus), but I figure that I am ALMOST a citizen of that state because California nutcakes pollute my life every day. Dianne Feinstein is a weapons expert and tells me what kind of guns I can own. Henry Waxman is a malignant anti-smoking dwarf that keeps me from smoking in many restaurants. Barbra Boxer needs to be put in a sturdy box and hermetically sealed because she is a dangerous asswit.

Besides, I live close to the Atlantic Ocean, which eventually blends with the Pacific Ocean, so I may as well be in California as Jawja. I am certain that a federal judge could see the connection clearly. Federal judges see such insane clear connections all the time.

I want to be the next governor of Cally-forication. I promise to do diddly-squat about anything. I won't raise taxes and I won't work long hours. I'm going to live in the Governor's Mansion and parade prostitutes through there like a marching band. I'll let problems solve themselves while I break in my bionic Roscoe. But I'll pay for the hookers with my own money, unlike typical politicians.

Who gives a shit about Cally-for-numbia? I damn sure don't.

But I STILL would make a better governor than Gray Davis.

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