Gut Rumbles
 

April 14, 2008

The $3 million turd

Originally published May 26, 2003

How much life insurance do you have? I got rid of mine once I quit having a life, but I once carried $500,000 worth. My family could collect half a million dollars IF I FUCKING DIED!!!

But here is a story about a guy who made THREE MILLION DOLLARS for hurting himself in a goddam shitter.

A city worker has hit the jack-potty. Cedrick Makara, 55, scored a $3 million jury verdict last week because he hurt his thumb trying to get out of the john of a Manhattan building where he works.

People, do you see anything absurdly wrong with this picture? If you don't, you need to be dragged off and shot.

Makara, of Brooklyn, said he was hurt in 1999 because the bathroom door at 40 Worth St. in lower Manhattan had a missing doorknob.

Menkes said Makara reached his hand through a hole where the knob should have been and pulled the door toward him just as someone entering the bathroom pushed the door in.

The injuries were so bad, Makara had to undergo surgery, she said.

The jury awarded Makara $2 million for past and future pain and suffering, and $200,000 for future medical needs. It also awarded $750,000 to Makara's wife, Sheron.

Three million dollars for getting a hurt thumb in a goddam bathroom? What's with the $750,000 for the wife? Did Makara thumb-fuck her on a regular basis with his wounded thumb? She suffered loss of consortium when the husband couldn't get that thumb up anymore?

Give me a break!

I BUY an insurance policy that I PAY FOR and I have to DIE to collect 1/6th of what this asshat got for a hurt thumb. Slap my ass and call me Fanny.

We live in a crazy world.

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