Gut Rumbles
 

March 25, 2008

Trauma

Originally published July 27, 2003

Another one bites the dust. I hope he changes his mind.

My blog deals with a lot of personal issues in my life and I almost got sucked down the vortex a month or so ago. I deleted my blogroll and damn near shut down the site. I experienced an identity crisis.

I never would have gone there if I simply posted links all the time. But that's never been what my site is about and it never will be. I NEED to write sometimes and I NEED to exorcize demons from my head by putting words into the ether. I get it out of my system that way.

I am a manic-depressive, borderline alcoholic with bipolar tendencies. Yeah, I've spent a lot of time in headshrinker interviews and they have diagnosed me to the Nth degree. I believe that they are crazier than I am.

If I were a terrible person, I wouldn't have the friends that I do. They've been there for a long time, but they all are male, except for one. I've been way too trusting of wimmen for the skeptic that I am about everything else, and I have paid a dear price for my naivety. I knew the woman that I could have stayed married to forever, but I cast her aside to chase after a bloodless cunt.

I will regret that mistake forever. I regret a lot of things.

But I don't regret starting this blog and I don't regret the people I've met through it, both those who like what I write and those who hate it. I'm not going to shut it down in a fit of existential angst. I went through that once, and I think it's over now. I am here to stay.

I need to feed a couple of hungry boys now.

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