Gut Rumbles
 

March 16, 2008

All time favorites

Originally published April 22, 2003

The best bar in Savannah is Jim Collins' place on Whitaker Street. Jim has been dead for a few years now, but the place is a Savannah landmark. Leon Redbone always visited there years ago. You don't go there to get laid. You go there to soak in Jim's special ambiance.

Michael Jordan is the best basketball player who ever lived and Tiger Woods is the best golfer in the world. Both are rich and behave like gentlemen. Why are so many other athletes complete assholes?

What makes Barbra Streisand, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins and Sean Penn think that they are smart people? They are idiots. It really takes a hard head and a dumb ass to look in the mirror every day and still think you're SMART when you've showed your butt to the entire world. That's what "celebrity" will do to you.

I thought I was smart when I was 16 years old. I believe that I am wise now. Nahh... I am a dumbass. Just look at what I've done with my life.

I can read and write. A lot of kids today can't do either one of those things.

It takes a 4.0 GPA to get into the University of Georgia today. 50% of those 4.0 students end up in remedial math and English classes. What's wrong with that picture?

The best waffle I ever ate was cooked by my Aunt 'Netta. That was my mama's older sister, but she's dead now.

I WAS brighter than some of my high school teachers.

Edgar Rice Burroughs was a terribly underrated writer.

James Dickey was a terribly OVERRATED writer. Yeah. I played guitar with him, too.

The best book I ever read is Earth Abides. Da Goddess read it when we were at Daytona Beach together and she liked it, too. It was written in 1949. But you wouldn't know that fact if you didn't check the copyright. The book is eternal.

I once was fired from a job that paid me no money. I mourned about that for all of 30 seconds.

I've slept with three women in my life that I thought were extraordinary in bed. They were shameless and lusty. If I were a woman, I could outdo all three.

If I had one wish, I might choose about 16 hours of sleep. That would be nice for a change.

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