March 15, 2008
Originally published April 22, 2003
Nobody ever asks to interview me. Hell, I have to juggle, play romantic guitar music and pay for all the liquor just to get a WOMAN to talk to me anymore. I am going to interview my own goddam self, since nobody else will.
Acidman, if you had one wish to make the world a better place, what would you wish?
To see Nichole Kidman, nekkid in my bed. That would make MY WORLD a better place.
Acidman, do you have any regrets in life?
I won't after I KILL YOU, you dumbfuck! You don't read my blog, do you?
Acidman, what is more important: Love or Money?
Money. If I have enough cash, I can buy all the love I want.
Acidman, if you could relive one day of your life and make it different, what would it be?
The day I was born. I never would have come out of there if I had known what I was getting into.
Acidman, who is your greatest hero?
My father. Behind him is Johnny Unitas, Arnold Palmer and Ronald Reagan. Did you know that Johnny Unitas and Arnold Palmer both had prostate cancer? If not, now you know. See what good interviews I give?
If you could do anything you've never done before, what would it be?
I want to walk on the moon. I always wanted to go into outer space and be weightless while I looked at planet earth as a bright, blue ball far away in a black, star-filled sky. I'll never get a chance to do that, but my son might. He may be able to buy a ticket and take a vacation to do that. I envy him.
Acidman, if you could meet and have dinner with any person in the world, living or dead, who would that person be?
Sam Clemens. He is the greatest American writer who ever lived and I would love to smoke a cigar with him after a fine meal. I also would like to see if I could make him laugh at MY jokes.
Acidman, how would you like to be remembered after you die?
That question is irrelevant, because when I die, the world stops. I made all of this shit up, just for my own fascination. If I didn't KNOW that for a FACT, I would tell all you artificial people that I invented for my amusement that I want my son to remember me as a good father. Of course, I invented HIM, too, but if any of this crap lasts after I'm gone, I hope that he is part of it and he thinks of me the way I do about my father. Yeah. That's what I want.
Now go away and leave me alone.
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