Gut Rumbles
 

March 04, 2008

The contract

Originally published July 13, 2003

Somewhere in all the souvenirs of our wrecked marriage, my ex-wife may still have the contract she wrote and signed when I agreed to have a child with her. I told her that my FIRST marriage changed overnight when Samantha was born. I took one woman to the hospital and brought a different one home. I liked the first one a LOT better.

Jennifer thought that I had an amusing idea, so she wrote out a contract PROMISING not to lose her mind or change in any way after Quinton was born. She signed it, dated it, and had me sign as a witness. The contract was official.

Quinton came along and I didn't notice the difference at first. My ex is an EXCELLENT actress. She can be whatever she needs to be for whover needs it as long as SHE benefits most from the performance. I've seen her do it a thousand times, and she's better at it than ever now. She practices her art daily.

It was at Clark Hill two years ago that I sensed something was wrong, and I asked her about it. "Rob, NOTHING HAS CHANGED," she replied. One week later, she snuck off to fuck a friend of mine and got caught doing it. That happened on July 12th and I had my prostate biopsy on Monday, July 16th. The following weekend, she told me that she didn't love me anymore.

She was always so big on honesty that I asked her to forget about her sneaking off to commit adultery; what about that fucking lie at Clark Hill? Her reply was that she was perfectly honest when she answered that question. Nothing HAD changed because she stopped loving me a long time ago. She just never bothered to let me know until now. It started... about the time Quinton was born. So much for that contract.

She damn near killed me that weekend, although it would have been NONE of her responsibility if I had not lived. She went off to spend that weekend with her new lover because she was "frightened that I might try to come back home." See? What she did was LOGICAL, not hormonal.

That's what I really like about a lot of wimmen. They want a man to "understand" them when they don't know who the fuck they are to begin with and they can change like a chamelion at any moment and never admit to doing it. THEN, they can take your house and your child and a large chunk of your paycheck every month because THEY are victims.

BULL! SHIT! They are ugly bags of mostly water with FAR TO MANY hormones swimming around in that bag. They'll nut up on you in a minute and believe that their behavior is totally rational while YOU are the crazy one to question what they do. They bust out crying for no good reason? DON'T ASK WHY! If you weren't such an insensitive bastard YOU WOULD KNOW! And don't you DARE suggest that the freshly-opened box of Tampax in the bathroom has anything to do with this.

No, it's YOUR fault. A woman sees clearly all the time. Men are just blind swines.

Don't bother signing a contract with a woman. They don't play by normal rules.

And if I sound bitter, it's because I am.

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