Gut Rumbles
 

February 28, 2008

Now he tells me

Originally published July 12, 2003

From an email:

Sir, I realize that a number of us who have had the penile implant operation have encouraged you to "go for it" and have told you that "it ain't no big thang" and probably other encouraging bromides, we weren't really lying, we just didn't emphasize certain post surgical after affects in order to avoid the possibility of exaggerating the amount of pain and misery of having the underside of your nut sack and Roscoe sliced up almost their total length. I didn't realize what was involved until I used a hand mirror to look at the under side of the wedding tackle, "U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi!"

Any way you are now a member of the Norse god club for the next month, cause you are going to be very THOR, MIGHTY THOR, extremely THOR, and on top of that, any sympathy you will get will be strained through giggles and muffled guffaws. An analogy would be the incident whereupon my cousin while out hunting with some companions set his gun down safely to take a leak and when a friend of his said "Hey! Look!" turned and peed upon an electric cattle fence. He told me " It wasn't so much that it knocked me flat on my back, it wasn't so much that I while I was laying there I was still peeing uncontrollably, my dick seemed to have shrunk to a one inch nub, and I was so shaky I could only make feeble and uncontrolled attempts to grab hold of it, it was the fact that my buddies were standing and rolling around pointing and laughing uncontrollably in my moment of pain and embarrassment."

I am definitely Thor.

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