Gut Rumbles
 

February 17, 2008

A flash of brilliance

Originally published December 28, 2003

I received this missive in my email today. I take it VERY seriously, because it was written by a very dangerous person. He may be a fucktard, but he doesn't believe that he is, and that kind of person is dangerous.

"New Zealand has made recommendations for residents there to modify behaviors that have an impact on climate change.

Did they check with you first?"

No, they didn't, and that's a damn good thing. I have followed the politics of New Zealand for a while now, and I believe that the country is competing seriously with California to become the certified nut-bowl of the world. The Maiori should have kept it for themselves. At least they didn't mind cutting down a few trees.

"The propose that without (or even with at this late stage) the following are possible:
*Earth's temperature is predicted to rise by between 1.4degC and 5.8degC over the next 100 years -- faster than at any time over the past 10,000 years."

I call that a wild-assed guess that has NO ABSOLUTE SCIENCE to back it up. I also call it a very imprecise "prediction." I'll play dice with anyone who allows me to bet on that kind of scale.

"Rainfall patterns are likely to become more sporadic."

Aren't rainfall patterns ALWAYS sporadic? WTF?

"Sea levels will rise between 9cm and 88cm by 2100, and may threaten low-lying countries such as some Pacific Islands. Sea levels will continue to rise for centuries after greenhouse gas concentrations have stabilised.
The impact of global warming may be particularly harmful for countries like New Zealand that are 'climate dependent'."

Well, if rising sea levels drown your dumb ass, the world will be a better place.

"Possible environmental impacts include drier conditions in the east, wetter conditions and flooding in the west, pressure on some native ecosystems,
biosecurity risks, possible water shortages, rising sea levels in some places and more sub tropical pest and disease problems."

Okay. I see the potential disaster here. We have dryer plus wetter, flooding plus drought, water shortages while we flood, and a danger to "native ecosystems." Got-dam! PREACH ON, BROTHER, you fucking Druid.

"Economic impacts may include some crops disappearing, other threats include the introduction of new pests and diseases -- mosquitoes, dengue fever
-- and dealing with the effects of climate extremes (drought, flooding and erosion)."

That sentence would gain an automatic "F" grade in freshman English class where I attended college. Grammar means following a few simple rules, asswipe. That's all I'm going to say about the brilliance displayed therein.

"Changes in temperature may threaten native plants and animals."

If they can't adapt to a changing world, they should perish. That's how Mother Nature does business.

Now, here come my favorite part:

"I know from covering the environmental news beat that in some parts of the world some of these things have already been observed."

I already know that you can't write, which is why you were assigned the environmental beat, but I'll cut you some slack just for being so Got-dam sanctimonious. NAME ONE! That's all I ask. And don't give me that Tuvelo shit that you environmental butt-wipes hold up all the time. The Pacific Ocean isn't rising; Tuvelo is SINKING because the citizens there are digging their island right out from under themselves.

Get your facts straight before you bitch at me.

"If you were to want to do the right thing, you could advise your readers that absolute, blockheaded rejection of any notion of climate change is not only
foolish but, as you so quaintly put it, 'FUCKTARDED."

BWA-HA-HA-HA!"

Well, stupid is as stupid does. Take a good look in the mirror and tell me what YOU see, fucktard.

"But, please don't link to me. Your readers are rude, stupid and boring. One jerk has been filling my comments with childish nonsense. Where do you find these people?"

How do you find your ass with both hands, you blithering idiot? There isn't a goddam thing you wrote in that email that you can prove or even re-enforce with science. It's all a bunch of myth and bullshit swallowed by gullible fucktards such as yourself. I'll wager that you actually DO cover "the environmental news beat." You're the kind of witless drone who writes (poorly) on those stories.

Do me a favor. Stay in New Zealand and get the fuck off my blog.

And don't worry. I ain't giving you a link, you moon-barking asshat.

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