Gut Rumbles
 

December 28, 2007

Nothing is "free"

Originally published June 8. 2006

Every day, WITHOUT FAIL, if I bother to answer my phone when it rings, I get some dingbat offering me a can't-miss, something-for nothin' deal. Today was no different.

The phone rang. I answered it. I was greeted by a woman named "Teresa," who launched into some kind of spiel, and I cut rudely into her prepared speech, interrupting her in mid-pitch.

"Darlin,' I don't intend be rude, but WHAT are you selling that I don't want?"

"Mr. Smith! I'm not selling ANYTHING!!! I'm just offering you a wonderful opportunity, sponsored by Marriot Hotels, because you have been a good customer in the past. You can enjoy three days and two nights of FREE LODGING at a Marriot Hotel if you simply will..."

I cut her off right there, being all rude, and I hung up on her.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, even though it falls on a lot of deaf ears today. NOTHING in this world is "free." AIN'T NO SUCH THING, people, and the sooner you realize and accept that fact, the better off you're gonna be, unless your ambition in life is to be a fucking TICK, sucking off a host to keep you alive.

That's great, as long as you can swell up and get fat offa somebody else's blood. But what happens when you drain your host dry and he ups and DIES on you? What do you do THEN??? We're approaching THAT "tipping point" in this country today.

I have TWO people who are my "friends"--- even though I disagree with their approach to life--- who have made a fantastic career out of being TICKS for the past 20 years. They don't work, and they haven't worked for a LONG, LONG time now. They don't have to. They glom onto a lot of "free" stuff that OTHER PEOPLE pay for, and they constantly look for new ways to get MORE "free" money.

They FIND IT, too, because it's out there--- for those who don't mind grubbing for it. Those folks haven't talked to me for a while now, because the last time I saw them, they became all avaricious, with day-glow eyes and dollar signs dancing in their heads, when I told them that my shoulders were fucked up and I have trouble living a normal life today.

Holy Bejus!!! I got ADVICE!!! LOTS of "good" advice. I should bug Social Security until I get classified as "disabled." THEN--- I'll get a "free" check in the mail for the rest of my life, and if I KEEP bugging them, I get BIGGER and BIGGER checks--- all "free" in the mail.

Oh, yeah. Are my shoulder problems "work related?" If so, I should be able to bug Workman's Comp and my ex-employer to convince THEM to send me a check in the mail every month, once again for "free."

Something else I should consider. Since I'm not working anymore, I need to get a WHOLE BUNCH of credit cards, run them up to the max, and then declare bankruptcy so that I don't have to pay them off. HAR-HAR-HAR!!!

My creditors can't very well garnish a paycheck that I don't HAVE, can they? It's a LAW now that my creditors can't take my HOME. HAR-HAR-HAR!!! The joke will be on THEM, once I take 'em to the cleaners, because it's against the LAW for creditors to garnish disability payments or Social Security handouts.

I told them to go fuck themselves, and they laughed at my ignorance and my distorted sense of "honor." They've done it TWICE already, so they should know.

My aching ass. If they poured half as much time and effort into actually WORKING for a living instead of looking for new ways to get something for nothing, they'd probably both be rich instead of counting on the next "free" check in the mail to keep the wolves from their door.

They spend as much on buying gasoline as they "earn" by driving all over the place to different government agencies to get their children classified as ADD, and therefore disabled and deserving of a check in the mail, or fighting over a dead relative so that they can "inherit" some cash or property.

Know what REALLY chaps my ass? THEY think they're "smart." And they think I'm "stupid" for NOT doing what they do.

I suppose that they are correct and I am mistaken. They aren't alone when they ride on a "free" gravy train today. The only thing THEY regret is the fact that they are WHITE. If they were black, they could get a lot MORE "free" money than they already do. For NOT working. For bitchin.' For being ticks.

They're right. I've been a complete dumbass, thinking that I was supposed to take care of MYSELF in my own life. BWHAHAHAHAAA! What a ridiculous notion.

Just wait for that check in the mail. THAT'S the way to live today.

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