Gut Rumbles

August 04, 2007


Originally published March 19, 2002

I spent about three hours yesterday watching "Gunsmoke" reruns on television. I had forgotten how good that show was. Now, however, I have a problem. The string of episodes ended with the first half of a two-parter, where Doc Adams and a lady friend are captured by Comancheros and Matt, Festus and Newly pose as outlaw gun runners to ride to their rescue. They encounter a mangy bunch on the trail, engage in a fearsome gunfight and kill all but three of the bad guys, who then go French and attempt to negotiate to save their cowardly asses. They say, "There's more of us than there are of you," and Newly replies, "Not anymore!" while brandishing his rifle. Matt points his hogleg .45 at the spokeman and says, "Enough talk! You were gonna kill us, now we're gonna KILL YOU!" Festus, smoking pistol in hand, sits astride his mule and stares gimlet-eyed and hostile at the bad guys.

I won't see the second half of that episode, because I will be in Key West when it plays, and I doubt I will be watching much television while I am there. I will be soaking up rays in the crystal clear tropical waters or slouched in a bar sucking up Bloody Marys. But I know one thing for sure. We need to fight the war on terrorism exactly the way Matt, Festus and Newly handled the Comancheros.

You were gonna kill us, now we're gonna kill you. Amen.

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