July 09, 2007
Government cares about me
Originally published October 28, 2002
Today, my boss handed me a thick stack of papers and said I had until the end of the month to complete the assignment inside. I opened the envelope and saw a stack of OSHA training manuals, with the obligatory tests included. I gave them a quick perusal and said, "I have only THREE DAYS to get this done?"
"YES," my boss said.
Since I didn't do it today, I have only two days left to complete this goddam coloring book the government insists that I do because I work in a "hazardous" environment around "toxic" chemicals. This is mandatory training that I must endure because some fat-assed bureaucrat who wouldn't know a chemical spill from a mud puddle brain-farted this regulation while ensconsed behind a desk in Washington, DC, with nothing better to do that pester me to justify his useless existence.
Here is how it works: The books do a poor job of translating OSHA regulations into plain English, but they DO have certain words highlighted in yellow. The highlighted words are the answers to the test questions. So, you pull out the test, look for the yellow highlights in the workbook, fill in the answers, and be done with this dog-and-pony show in about ten minutes. You score 100% on the test without ever reading a single word of the book that isn't highlighted, and you are trained.
I am SO GLAD my government takes such good care of me.
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