Gut Rumbles
 

June 25, 2007

Rude awakening

Originally published June 6, 2006

I slept good again last night. In fact, I dreamed sweet dreams and might have laid in the sack like a lightly-snoring corpse until sometime this afternoon, except for one small problem.

I awoke at 9:30 AM feeling the torture of the damned. I developed a CRAMP in my right FOOT and the thing hurt like hell. I started cussing and saying, "OY! OY! OY!" as I kicked off the covers and checked to see if I had a rusty knife stuck in my foot. Nope. No knife, but it WAS a bizarre sight to behold.

My delicate (but masculine) bare right foot was contorted with all seven five toes sticking out in odd directions, kinda like the way iron filings do when you pass a magnet over them. Still cussing and whimpering, "OY! OY!" I managed to grab my foot and start massaging and stretching it.

That was NOT a pretty sight, being that I'm an old, skinny Cracker who sleeps nekkid, and the term "monkey fucking a football" popped into my mind the way it does so often anymore when I observe my own behavior. But I got rid of the cramp, finally.

I think I know what caused it. That's what I get for eating a half-dozen home-grown tomatoes that I chilled in the refrigerator first, in spite of all the good-for-me advice that people gave me about NOT putting those tomatoes in the refrigerator. That'll learn ME to ignore good advice.

I ain't never gonna do THAT again!

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