Gut Rumbles
 

June 18, 2007

I've wanted to do that

Originally published July 1, 2004

Yes, I'll admit it. I have wanted to murder Chuck E. Cheese, the fucking rat, with my bare hands more than once. Kids may like the place, but I don't. To me, it is a loud, rambunctious, out-of-control Thunderdome for the young that makes really shitty pizza.

The only redeeming quality about the one in Savannah is that they serve beer, too, so I can get quietly tanked while watching otherwise civilized children run amok all over the place. I can take such an experience only in small, occasional doses.

You can drop a lot of money in that place and end up with nothing more than a car full of hyper-activated children, screaming and fighting while clutching cheap, plastic toys in their hands, thanks to all the coupons they "won" playing arcade games. Most of those toys last about two days and then end up in pieces clogging the intake of your vacuum cleaner.

Yeah, I am convinced. Chuck E. Cheese should DIE!!!

But I like this line from the story:

Chuck E. Cheese's is a nationwide chain of pizza restaurants that caters to small children and the parents they bring along. Its namesake, mascot and main attraction is a friendly man-sized rat wearing a baseball cap.

Sounds a lot like Michael Moore to me.

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