Gut Rumbles
 

June 12, 2007

Cute

Originally published December 13, 2004

I don't like the word "cute." In fact, I believe that is one of the most foul, useless words in the English language. It's just such a SHITTY description of anything.

"Awww... that's so CUTE!"

What image pops into your mind when you read those words? An infant, stinking to high heaven, in a crap-filled diaper with dried baby-food and puke on it's face? A puppy chewing up one of your favorite shoes? A cat clawing your sofa to shreds? Brad Pitt? A pink, self-lubricating, solar-powered vibrating butt-plug?

Yeah, they're ALL "cute," when described by a woman. "Cute" is a feminine word, and I want to bitch-slap any man I hear use it, unless he says, "Oh, THAT was cute," right before he punches you in the nose for being an asshole. Guys don't like "cute."

Wimmen don't like specifics, because that gets in the way of all their feelings, so "cute" is the perfect way to avoid actually describing anything. It's a one-size-fits-all word that can be used on any occasion and all wimmen hearing it will nod in agreement.

Yes, cute is good. It's non-confrontational and warm, fuzzy and comfortable. Cute. Comfortable. Sweet.

My ass. I would rather be dead than "cute."

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