Gut Rumbles
 

June 09, 2007

Peeves

Originally published December 8, 2004

*I wanna know why Eric, Key and several others can't fix their goddam comments to remember my personal information. WTF is that? If I didn't really LOVE you guys, I wouldn't bother with typing the same shit in those little boxes every time I want to share my wit with you.

*Why do most wimmen bloggers become obsessed with "skins" and all the got-dam decoration they can cram onto a page? That shit reminds me of a toilet seat with a fuzzy cover on top, ANOTHER THING wimmen love. A guy can't piss in there without grabbing his dick in one hand and holding the lid up with the other. If you don't hold the lid up, it'll slam down and guillotine your precious member. I sometimes piss on the frilly lid-cover just for spite.

*Why does ANY woman find John Kerry attractive? That guy repluses me.

*I am SHORT. I stand 5' 8" tall. I am NOT "vertically challenged," nor am I claiming to be a member of a victim group. I'm just SHORT. I know it, you'll know it if you meet me, so why say anything different? Calling my height something else isn't going to make me any taller. Cut that shit out. I don't see anything wrong with the words "crippled," "retarded," or "old," either.

*WHY do people think posting pictures of cats is a "cute" thing to do? The only good cat picture I ever saw on a blog showed one dead on the side of the road with a "FREE CAT" sign stuck in the ground next to the corpse. I stole that one. Otherise, I HATE cat-blogging.

*What's with the "F**k" and "A$$" things some people do on blogs? If you're gonna cuss, then CUSS, by-damn. If you ain't gonna cuss, then don't. Just stop acting like your mama is watching every fucking thing you do and you're trying to avoid her disapproval.

*Stop making fun of the picture on my page because I'm not wearing a shirt. That's the way I look most of the time. I don't wear any clothes AT ALL unless I absolutely have to.

*I think I own a tie, but I don't know where it is. I hope I never find it, either. I damn sure never intend to wear one again. A necktie is an abomination almost as bad as a woman's girdle. Okay, a girdle is worse, but you get my drift.

*Screaming, crying, wailing kids should be tranferred to the cargo hold of an airplane immediately after take-off and not released from there until the plane lands. Parents who RAISE screaming, crying, wailing kids and don't know how to shut them up should be jettisoned from the aircraft at an altitude of no lower than 20,000 feet.

*I don't want to be President of the United States, but I should be.

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