Gut Rumbles

June 02, 2007


Originally published June 9, 2006

I learn some really neat things from my comments. When someone threw the word "twatburger" in a comment on a post I wrote about boiled peanuts, I almost fell outta my chair.

"Twatburger." BWHAHAHAAAA!!! I think I heard that word years ago, but I had forgotten all about it. After reading that comment, I realized that I've eaten a LOT of those things over the years--- both the fresh, pink, delicious kind, AND the ones served up stale and moldy in Divorce Court.

To ME, a good twatburger is served raw, marinated in its own natural juices. You may have to crack it open a little with your fingers, but it's worth that modicum of effort for the sweet taste you get as a result.

I don't like the Organic Ones, with weeds growing all over. If I have to hack through that kind of underbrush with my TEETH, I end up with annoying pieces of thatch stuck all inside my mouth the next morning, and it's hell to get rid of that shit with floss and a toothbrush.

But I don't like the newborn-baby look, either. I'm NOT a child molester. Don't show me a bare twatburger with NO dressing on it and expect ME to eat it. Got-dam! If I wanted THAT, I would respond to one of those spam-things I receive regularly, advertising pre-school girls fucking barnyard animals. Sorry... but I'll pass on THAT.

A GOOD-LOOKIN' twatburger should have some decoration on it, kinda like a parsley sprig on a dish of rare steak. I wear a beard, but I keep it nicely trimmed. Wimmen should do the same thing.

It's all in the presentation, people!!! Show me a twatburger with a Van Dyke cut, that doesn't spray stray growth out from under the elastic of a bikini bottom, but still displays a sign of MATURITY underneath the bikini bottom, and I'll jump in there with...uh... lip-smacking gusto. (BOTH sets of lips--- mine AND hers)

But that shaved, totally nekkid thing? I'm sorry. YOU may think it's hygenic or sexy, but I DON'T. I prefer MY wimmen to LOOK like wimmen--- NOT like little girls.

Bejus! Writing this post made me hungry. For a good, old-fashioned TWATBURGER. Bring it to me on a plate in my bed, but hold the shaving cream.

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