May 29, 2007
Friends and lovers
Originally published January 28, 2006
My track record doesn't suggest that I am the ideal person to ask for advice concerning affairs of the heart. If I were an expert on that shit, I'd still be married instead of divorced. Twice.
Some people say that the quickest way to ruin a good friendship with a member of the opposite sex is to go to bed together. When you have sex, the friendship gets all tangled up in ideas of love, jealousy, possession, guilt and obligation. When that happens, the friendship disintergrates, battered to pieces by the waves of misguided emotion.
Maybe so. But NOT always. I know "friendly" sex is possible, because I've had it before, and I remain friends with most of those wimmen today. In the past, we managed to sport ourselves senseless without starting to love or hate each other. The sex was GREAT, too.
So... what would YOU advise in this situation:
A year ago I met a girl (she's 26 and I'm 24) who I really like. We started out as friends, of course, and then we started having sex. I thought for a while that I loved her but I soon realized that I never could because some of our values are different. She has told me she has always known that we could never be married. Nevertheless, we still get along well and we e-mail and call each other frequently. (By the way - we've always had a long distance relationship.)
I wrote the guy back and told him what I would do, given his circumstances.
All content © Rob Smith