Gut Rumbles
 

May 22, 2007

My beard

Originally published July 10, 2004

When Samantha and Stacy were here at the Crackerbox, I retreived a lot of old pictures that neither girl had seen before and we sat on the couch looking at them. One was a picture of me and my grandmother on her 91st birthday, May 23, 1991. Samantha really liked that one.

Mommie has both hands on my bicep as we lean our heads together for the camera. She appears as happy as a lark. I look suntanned, fit and vigorous. I was 49 years old at the time, still married, unaware of prostate cancer and downright delighted with my life. All of that fantasy ended two months later.

In that picture, I also had my hair buzz-cut like a Marine boot-camp denizen and I had a clean-shaven face. Samantha liked the way I looked.

"Daddy, you should cut your hair and shave that beard. You look much younger in this picture," she said.

"I WAS younger in that picture, Sam," I replied.

"Sam is right," said Stacey. "You need to shave that beard and put some peroxide in your hair. The sun will turn all that gray silver into pure white. You'll look like Bob Barker, only shorter. And a LOT younger."

Those girls set me to thinking. I'm leaving for Costa Rica Wednesday morning. Nobody (well...ALMOST nobody) knows me down there and I can be anyone I want to be. Maybe I will shave my face and get a buzz-cut before I go. My beard is long enough now that my chin-whiskers are soft and I find myself stroking them when I'm pondering deep subjects, such as what to put in the microwave for supper.

What the hell? WHY NOT!??? as they said at the end of The Wild Bunch. The great thing about hair is that it grows back if you don't like what you did to it. I'll be in Costa Rica for two weeks. I can grow my goddam beard back in two weeks. Rehab from a buzz-cut may take a little longer, but it's not like I'm in the running for "American Idol" or any such shit.

I believe that Monday is a good day for my hair to dye. I'm going to the local tonsorial parlor, get a professional shave and a buzz-cut. Done by a woman. While I relax in a reclining chair. Then, I'm going to buy some of that Sun-Lite or whatever that peroxide spray that the redheaded girl used on me in Key West. I will annoint my head with that oil while I'm in Costa Rica.

I will be a new man and I will post pictures.

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