Gut Rumbles
 

May 15, 2007

Things that chap my cracker ass

Originally published July 23, 2005

#1) Ted Kennedy. Especially when he starts spouting off about "morality." That alcoholic gas-bag should be in jail instead of in the United States Senate. I've never killed anybody in my life. He has.

#2) Gun-Fearing Assholes. A gun is NOT an inherently evil device. It is a simple tool that performs very efficiently--- much like a chainsaw or a lawn mower. I've never seen a gun jump up and shoot somebody all by itself. In fact, I'm willing to wager that more people bash themselves with a fucking HAMMER than shoot themselves with a gun.

#3) Democrats. What's it like to be a party, once powerful but now relegated to the back-burner, that is now eating itself? I personally believe that Democrats can thank Bill Clinton for the state they're in today, because they rallied around that bastard and proved just how purile and spineless they are. They have NO philosophy today, other than if Bush is FOR it, we're AGAINST it.

#4) Rap Music. That's the most disgusting shit I've ever heard. It AIN'T MUSIC.

#5) Organic Food. My aching ass. That stuff is fertilized with SHIT instead of chemicals you buy at the seed & feed store, it ain't nearly as good as regular crops and it costs twice the money. Yuppies buy it because the LOVE the "environment" and they don't even know that they're eating SHIT.

#6) Bottled Water. I don't give a damn if my daughter COULD tell the difference between my tap and her bottled water. I can't, and I won't pay $2.00 a bottle for that crap to wash down my organic food.

#7) Decaffinated Coffee. WTF? That's a pure abortion if I ever saw one. Whoever dreamed up THAT idea never worked midnight shifts.

#8) Anti-Smoking Laws. Show me ONE got-dam person who ever died from "second-hand smoke" and I just MIGHT think these laws are reasonable. But you can't do it, people have spent millions of dollars TRYING to do it, and nobody can. Still, we get the laws, most of which are based on the EPA's fraud.

#9) "Environmentalists." Did you ever notice that most of these people resemble John Lennon or burned-out hippie-chicks? I have. And most of them work in air-conditioned offices and drive air-conditioned cars and wouldn't know a spotted owl from a beaver. But they "know" that Gaia is "fragile" and they want to protect her. Fuck every one of them. Build a fire in the woods in the rain and I MAY think you have a clue what you're talking about.

#10) Lawyers. If I ever go back to divorce court, I'm not hiring a lawyer to represent me again. What for? That hanging judge is going to throw the book at me anyway, and that's a fact. I paid those fucks more than $10,000 over the past few years and I got screwed TWICE for my trouble. Then, I ended up paying BOTH lawyers, mine and my ex-wife's Fuck 'em. I won't do that again.

I shoulda been a cowboy. I was born 150 years too late.

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