Gut Rumbles
 

April 21, 2007

Stupid criminals

Originally published September 11, 2005

I've never understood the thinking of some petty criminals. Would YOU risk going to jail for 20 years and being butt-buddies with some big, muscular black guy named "DaShawn" for $350? I wouldn't, but some people do.

When I dated Dora, she was the assistant manager of a convienence store. That place was robbed several times and the most any thief ever got away with was about $40 and a carton of Newport cigarettes. Those crack-heads came in waving GUNS for that loot, too.

That's just fucking crazy to me.

Is $40 and a carton of Newports worth going to jail for? You can EARN $40 with one day of work at minimum wage and buy your own goddam cigarettes, then have $20 left over. But that's not the way criminals think. WORK!!?? Fuck that!!!

I'll guarantee you that prisons are FULL of assholes who did something similar, got caught and fucked up the rest of their lives. That kind of behavior is sheer stupidity.

If I ever intend to be a criminal, I'm going for a big score. It won't be a bank, because you usually don't get a lot of money from a bank robbery and, if you can aviod the dye-packets, you still end up with the FBI on your ass. That's too risky.

Case a Wal-Mart or a big grocery store. Find out where the accounting office is. Wait until they empty the registers on a pickup, then rob the office. You can steal up to $40,000 that way, if you can pull it off and get out of there.

I'd make a good criminal. I would plan a lot before I acted. That's the writer in me. I always look at things like that as something I might want to put in a book some fine day. Ya gotta make it read REAL.

But even $40,000 isn't worth the risk. I've spent a night in jail. I don't think I would like prison.

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