Gut Rumbles
 

April 12, 2007

Hold on tight

Originally published May 24, 2006

I was so sick a couple of times lately that I thought, "I'M GONNA DIE!!!" Then, I thought..."So WHAT?" That thought didn't bother me AT ALL. I kinda wanna see what's on "the other side," if there's anything there to see.

When that feeling of impending doom grabbed me by the throat the FIRST TIME (I fell out of a tree from about 20' up, hit the ground flat on my back and saw all of my "friends" running away), death TRIED to shake me, and I WAS afraid. I was eight years old when I first felt that cold hand trying to wrap around my throat. I've become accustomed to it since then. And it doesn't frighten me anymore.

I remember going to Aunt Chassies's farm, WAY back in the Kentucky mountains when I was young. We youngun's all piled into the beds of a couple of pickup trucks and we were told to HOLD ON TIGHT, because if you fell out, NOBODY was coming back to pick your sorry ass up.

This was a NO PUSSY BRIDGES kinda trip. The trucks either made it across the creeks in a rooster-tail of spray, or they DIDN'T. And GAWD HELP YOU if you got stuck, because you either made it out by yourself, or you had to unload your young'uns, make 'em walk barefoot through the creek, while somebody ELSE with a come-a-long made a BACKTRACK to pull your ass out. And you were the butt of every joke around the supper table that evening.

That kinda discipline would be called CHILD ABUSE today, if some asshole shrink from Naw Yawk who never pissed in the bushes had HER way. That was ADVENTURE to me. Lemme tell you what that experience taught me!

Hold on tight.

That was NOT a bad lesson. It has served me well through a LOT MORE than crossing creeks on a prayer, being treed by a bull, being attacked by a mad rooster in the henhouse, or being scratched by a cat that didn't want any petting. I learned to HOLD ON TIGHT!!!

I've done stupid things on a farm. I've done stupid things in my life. Still... I believe that LIFE is like living on a farm. You reap what you sow, but sometimes.... you've just gotta challenge that mean-ass bull. And you've just GOTTA cross that creek.

But WHEN YOU DO... be ready to hold on tight. And don't bitch when the bull throws you and gores you. And if your truck gets stuck in the creek, don't blame Bejus because YOU don't know how to drive.

THINK about it. YOU asked for it.

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