April 04, 2007
Hay, I'm an excellent cowpun-cher. Who knew?
Originally published February 27, 2002
Cincinatti finally apprehended the cow that jumped the six-foot slaughterhouse fence and eluded helicopter searches, foot patrols, all-point bulletins and satellite detection for twelve days. I believe the Special Forces training the bovine Rambo received as a young LEATHERNECK paid off. The cow was never fooled by a STEAKOUT, could not be MOOved to surrender, and allegedly vowed, "I VEAL not be taken alive." Authorities feared the large animal would wander onto a nearby interstate highway and cause a T-BONE crash. Nearby farmers recommended simply shooting the animal, but local politicians, when GRILLED by reporters, admitted that they didn't want to deal with animal rights activists screaming, "HOLEY COW!"
I would MILK this story for a few more puns, but I'm UDDERly exhausted. Call me a COWard if you wish, but I am perSUEDEd that enough is enough.
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