February 27, 2007
Originally published October 25, 2004
I finally have permission from the Mother Ship to tell the story. Three years ago, I was playing my guitar on the back porch when I saw a strange light in the sky. The longer I watched it, the brighter it became and I finally realized that IT WAS A SPACESHIP! LANDING IN MY BACK YARD!!!
The craft resembled one of those take-out chicken fahita salad containers you get at Taco Bell. The see-through top popped open and a strange-looking creature emerged. He said, "Take me to your leader."
I gave him the Vulcan split-finger salute and replied, "Live long and prosper. You're in MY YARD, so I am Tall Dog here. I'm all the leader you need to know."
He pulled some kind of communication device from his pocket and spoke a strange language into it. I was about to go run for a gun, but two VERY ATTRACTIVE aliens, obviously of what passed for females of their species, emerged from the spaceship. They appeared quite sexy to me. I decided to forget about the gun for the moment. The spaceship became invisible.
While I was gawking at the females, that tricky bastard who was first off the ship shot me with some kind of dart. It hit me right in the meat of my shoulder. I don't know what was in that dart, but it made me collapse on my back porch and experience sleepless dreams.
Let me tell you something about alien wimmen. They are insatiable. They have green skin and only one breast, right in the middle of their chest. That one breast has a very large, sensitive nipple on it. I've been accustomed to dual steering in that kind of situation, but you'll be surprised at how easily you adapt to one large breast with one sensitive nipple on a green-skinned woman who has a prehensile tail. Especially if you have TWO of them at one time.
After they raped me and took tissue samples, they cleaned my kitchen, cut my grass and hung around for almost a month, until I had to run them off. Damn if those fuckers can't drink some beer! They like pizza, too.
I don't know where they came from or where they went, but you KNOW it's a true story. You read it on the internet.
All content © Rob Smith