Gut Rumbles
 

December 02, 2006

Playing by the rules

Originally published October 11, 2004

I really wish that life was fair, but it's not and you'd better learn that lesson early in life. I grew to be only 5' 7 tall and weigh 150 pounds. There went my dreams of playing professional football. My size dictated my fate and I had no choice in the matter. I REALLY wanted to be a professional football player, too.

That's just not fair, is it? Government should step in and pass a law requiring NFL teams to have AT LEAST one 150 pound white boy on the roster. You know, kinda like Affirmative Action. Tilt that playing field for ME and call it an act of "fairness."

One reason I like poker so much is that the rules are damned simple and everybody plays by them because they don't want to get shot for cheating. The cards don't give a shit how big you are or how much money your daddy makes. They just hit the table the way they're dealt. You take it from there.

Why can't we run governmant by rules as simple as the ones you play poker by? A flush beats a straight. You gotta have Jacks or better to open. You can check and raise, but it's a $2.00 limit on the bet and a $5.00 limit on the raise. Three raises maximum. If we play high-low, an ace can be played either high or low. No wild cards. Simple.

Our real problem today is that we have TOO MANY RULES, and those slimebags in government keep making more rules every day when they can't enforce the ones they already have. Buncha dickwits.

Some of the rules are absolutely ridiculous, too. Anti-smoking, anti-gun, anti-whatever blew some sanctimonious asshole's dress up. Spank your kid and you are guilty of child abuse. Have a bloodless cunt of an ex-wife and you're guilty of domestic violence just because she said so. Really ponder whether a cold-blooded murder is a "hate-crime" or not.

Do you know what happens when you have too many rules? People start violating them, and once you've broken one rule, it's easy to break another. Plus, if you get caught violating a bullshit rule ("What? You're gonna fine me $1,000 for lighting a cigarette in the park?") you lose all respect for the law.

I don't respect the law today.

I WANT to play by the rules, but I want the rules to be simple. They're not. I cringe when I listen to the Presidential debates because both men want to make more rules to govern my behavior. MY behavior, when neither man knows me from Adam's housecat.

Fuck the rules. I'll make my own and live with the consequences.

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