Gut Rumbles
 

September 02, 2006

Raising Children

Originally posted October 28, 2004

Human beings are gluttons for punishment. Due to some insane, primordial instinct, we INSIST on having children.

A woman spends nine months being pregnant and experiencing hormonal upheavals and the man spends nine months living with that crap. It's a bitch of an experience.

Then, when the precious little bundle of joy is born, it can't do a damn thing for itself. It shits its diaper, pisses all over itself, cries long and loud in the middle of the night and can't tell you what's the matter. YOU have to feed it, YOU have to clean it and YOU have to figure out what's wrong and FIX IT when the banshee howls start at 2:30 in the morning.

You teach the little fuckers to walk and then spend the next ten years yelling, "Sit DOWN! Hold STILL. Come BACK here!" You teach the little fuckers to talk, and you can't shut them up--- EVER again.

Little girls like to scream in a high-pitched voice that will shatter glass. Little boys like to do stupid things and get hurt. If you have a woman-child, buy a set of earplugs to soften those screams. If you have a boy-child, get a good first-aid kit and the phone number for the emergency room of the nearest hospital.

Later, they turn into teenagers and hate your guts for a few years. That's REALLY fun, especially after all the work you've put into raising them. Ungrateful shits.

Still... I wouldn't trade either one of my children for the world. That's flesh of MY flesh and blood of MY blood. That's my one tenuous hold on immortality. My children. I'd go back and do it again tomorrow, even KNOWING what I was getting into.

You'll never feel such overpowering love as when you smell the first breath that your child takes in this world.

Comments

You'll never feel such overpowering love as when you smell the first breath that your child takes in this world.

That is so true...all of it, really. He had such a way with words. Hard to believe I'm finally coming a couple thousand miles to Georgia next week for the first time and I won't get to meet your daddy. Were it not for him, I'd never be making this trek.

Posted by: Lisa W. on September 2, 2006 07:13 AM

absolutely beautiful!!.....tears in my eyes.

Posted by: Jean on September 3, 2006 11:24 AM

Beautiful counterpoint to the last post. I don't remember this one but that's one of the things I loved about your Dad. He was so proud of you kids and wasn't shy about showing how much he loved you.

Posted by: Libby on September 4, 2006 10:33 AM

You'e damned sure right about that sceamin'. I was out at the club this mornin' tryin' to fish, and the last of the campers were there for the labor day weekend, and there was one little pissed off girl youngin' and boy she was givin' the hawks and the crows a run for the money for ownership of loudness... By the way, I have two teenagers... poor poor pitiful me... ;)

Posted by: RedNeck on September 4, 2006 04:20 PM

you've just summed up the entire reasons i will never have children!! :)

Posted by: OestreBunny on September 4, 2006 09:37 PM

I just found your dad's blog today, i'm completely caught up. it's touching to see how much he is missed. my condolencses, laura

Posted by: OestreBunny on September 4, 2006 10:18 PM
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