August 24, 2006

More Toilet Humor

On this day last year! Originally posted August 24 2005

This is another true story. I was backpacking with my late friend Steve Hamby when he went off in the woods with a roll of toilet paper in his hand one morning. I was cooking breakfast at the time and I figured he was just taking a nice morning constitutional.

A few minutes later, I heard his plaintive moan, "Rob! Look in my backpack. Get my Swiss Army kinfe. It's in the top left pocket."

I found the knife and asked, "Do you want me to bring it to you?"

"Not yet," he replied. "Open it up until you find the thing that looks like needle-nosed pliers." I did, and I found it.

"Got it, Steve," I said.

"Good. Now come over here and pull this turd outta my ass. I think it's stuck!"

I would have sacrificed my life for Steve. I would have done almost ANYTHING he asked me to do. But this was one time he was on his fucking own. I was NOT going to use a Swiss Army knife to pull a turd out of his hairy ass. Friendship goes only so far.

"Pinch it off or live with it, ya prick!" I yelled into the woods.

I was greeted with silence.

Steve eventually emerged from the bushes with toilet paper in hand about 15 minutes later. "Did it all come out all right?" I asked.

"Yeah. Once I blew that first plug out of my ass, everything was fine. YOU were no fucking help. And all along I thought you were my friend."

We laughed about that incident right up until the day he died. I think about it and laugh today.

Toilet humor.

Comments

That's funny I just posted about your dad and his crap blogging today. What a coincidence...

Posted by: Lisa W. on August 24, 2006 06:09 PM

I remember this one. It made me think of the time when I was about seven, or gees, maybe 12, I don’t know…Girl Scouts. Camping. The “porta” toilets were full. Carol (and yes, I do remember her last name) had to do some business (or “Go to the library”, as my Dad called it). Poor girl; we all watched her doing it in the woods. Flash lights on her. She was crying. But I can guarantee damn tee ya, she felt better afterwards. Side note: this was before digital cell phones or cameras…just damn!).

I miss him…I was reading him every day for at least 3 years. Hell, I had dreams about him! (No, not those kind! (usually)). (Yes, I’m a math freak too; parentheses matter!)

I was at work, and read Sam’s post about her Dad about two minutes after she posted (just by chance). I was working, alone, in a 15’x20’ cage with 80 servers running. I started crying like a baby. I emailed Glenn (first time), and the subject line said “Rob, “Acidman” has passed. In The body was “from, a very sad Candace”.

Thank you Sam, for re-posting your favorites…they seem to be mine too.

Posted by: Muz on August 24, 2006 11:48 PM

Cracked a smile. But if you're looking for ceaseless adoration from people who don't know you. That isn't working for a first visit.

We shall see what else you've got besides a Swiss Army knife...

Posted by: Devilbluedress on August 25, 2006 12:25 AM

Ahhh... Classic stuff :-)

Posted by: Mrite on August 25, 2006 10:11 AM

That was an amusing story. What a great storyteller he was. May he rest in peace.

Posted by: Kevin on August 25, 2006 11:06 PM

Yuck. But classic Rob. Thanks for doing this; please keep on posting the archives.

Posted by: Jenny on August 27, 2006 12:43 PM

One could say that is sum funny shit right there eh?

Posted by: TC on August 31, 2006 02:53 AM

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August 24, 2006

More Toilet Humor