Gut Rumbles
 

August 20, 2006

I Love My Family

Originally Posted May 29, 2004

I went to see my mama and my grandmother today. My Uncle Virgil was there, too, and we had a nice, long conversation about a lot things other people wouldn't understand. We laughed a lot, but my family is famous for witty repartee and a good sense of humor.

My grandmother just turned 93 years old. She's tiny and frail now, but she was a pisscutter in her younger days. Virgil told about how, when my grandfather administered haircuts to him and his two brothers, Mommie (that's my grandmother) always made sure that all three had enough hair left on their heads so that she could grab a handful and snatch them around when they fucked up. She would check the length of the cut, nod approvingly and say, "That's a good haircut. I can grab that."

Mommie was fixing supper one afternoon and wanted to make some cornbread, but she was out of buttermilk. She gave my Uncle George some money and told him to go to the store and buy a quart. George became distracted by some game he was playing and didn't scoot off quickly enough to suit Mommie. "I thought I told you to go to the store and buy a quart of buttermilk," she said to George, who was still playing in the yard and oblivious to his responsibility.

"I'm going in just a minute," he replied, which was the wrong thing to say to Mommie. She grabbed a switch and laid a nice lick on one of his bare shoulders. "You'll go RIGHT NOW!" she said, drawing back for another swipe. George went, kicking up a cloud of Kentucky dust behind him.

When George came home with the buttermilk, he had a nice, red welt on his arm from the switch-mark. "Look, Mommie," he said, pointing to the V-shaped stripe on his arm. "You made me a private."

"Yes, I did," Mommie replied. "And if you ever ignore me like that again, I'll promote you to sergeant."

She meant it, too.

I have hundreds of such stories to tell. I've heard a lot of them more than once, but I never get tired of hearing them again. I come from a long line of good storytellers. A meeting of my relatives is a lot like a blog-meet. If you want to get a word in edgewise, you'd better talk first and talk loud.

My family is quiet and shy, just like me.

~Acidman


You know how when you have an elderly friend or family member they like to tell the same stories over and over again? Well, this is one that Mommie loves to tell and I always listen as though it's the first time I'm hearing it.

Comments

Oh that was one of my favorites and I always listen when the old people retell the stories as if it was the first time too.

You're a good woman Sam. No wonder your Dad was so proud of you.

Posted by: Libby on August 20, 2006 05:28 PM

Thank you Sam!
Take care and hugsssssssss...

Posted by: Raggedy on August 21, 2006 05:02 AM

I love the stories he wrote about family - that one was GREAT...

Posted by: Lisa W. on August 21, 2006 09:17 AM

Thanks, I needed that!

Posted by: CZ on August 21, 2006 10:26 PM

Rob, wherever you are, dude ... you kick ass.

It just ain't the same without you, big daddy.

Posted by: erica on August 22, 2006 03:47 PM

Smiling and laughing... You must have grown up in the south. And I'm fond of the military. Family is family.

Posted by: Devilbluedress on August 25, 2006 12:27 AM

Sam, I think you already know this one, but the reason "Mommie" (Rob's Grandma) was called Mommie was: when Rob was born and was told to call her Grandma, he always said "No, Mommie". He was so insistent
(because she was Mommie to all her children), that he would only call her "Mommie" and all the other grandchildren called her Mommie. Rob told us this.

Posted by: G.H. and Doris Abner on September 7, 2006 11:39 PM
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