Gut Rumbles
 

June 03, 2006

protecting our borders

Government is really interested in protecting our borders, at least when that "border" is the thin line between being either fat or skinny. I am certain that when the Founding Fathers wrote the US Constitution, they fully intended for government to become what it is today.

``We must take a serious look at the impact these foods are having on our waistlines,'' said Penelope Slade Royall, director of the health promotion office at the Department of Health and Human Services.

That's government's job today. After all, people have a "right" to eat healthy food, and if they won't do it of their own free will, government will MAKE them do it, for their own damn good. That's how much Big Nanny cares about her sheeple people.
The reason that government simply MUST become involved in regulating fast food menus is clear: left to own on choices, we don't eat right.

Think of the hard-working bureaucrat who comes home from the office late at night, sits exhausted in his easy chair and quaffs a bottle of designer water while watching "American Idol" after a rough battle with paperwork in the trenches of government. The wife asks, "Hon... how was your day?"

The bureaucrat sighs, while examining a paper cut on his well-manicured, uncallosed pinky. "It's a jungle out there, Hon," he replies. "But I saved a lot of lives. I banned super-sized french fries today, and issued arrest warrants for a couple of fast-food restaurant managers. It's dirty work, but somebody has to do it. People will eat unhealthy food and get fat if I don't stop them."

``At this point in time, it's not a matter of more authority, it's using the authority we have,'' von Eschenbach said.

Yep. Government must USE that "authority," because it's granted to government right there in the US Constitution, somewhere in the fine print, near where the Constitution states clearly: "YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!"

I think it's in the Umpteenth Amendment, which says, "Government knows that you WILL do what is good for you, or face huge fines, long prison sentences and a session with a stomach pump if you fail to comply with GOOD FOR YOU regulations. Trust us. You really don't want to go there. Now, shut up and eat your government-approved tofu."

When government requires that the entire wrapper on your next double-greaseburger be covered with warning labels, people won't read them, so the next logical step is to ban greaseburgers. Or lay a whopping "fat tax" on 'em. And if people, the dumbasses, CONTINUE to eat greaseburgers, lock 'em up. It's for their own good.

Government can't live on a budget, it can't protect our borders and it howls in protest when a clown prince member of its own ranks gets caught taking bribes, but it CAN, by-Gawd, keep you from eating an unhealthy greaseburger, and it'll make sure that you don't inhale any deadly second-hand cigarette smoke while you eat your government-approved green salad with no dressing.

You have the "right" to a healthy diet, and if you won't eat healthy foods, government will FORCE you to. That's government's job: to be the caring, concerned Mama that you never had.

Plus, it's a compassion thing. And that's right there in the Umpty-First Amendment--- "Government compassion trumps every right you ever thought you had. Big Brother... uh... I mean Big Mama knows what is best for you."

Ain't it GREAT to live in The Land of the Free? And the home of the Brave New World?

Comments

Preach it!

Posted by: Desert Cat on June 3, 2006 12:53 PM

It's not tofu, it is burrito's.
Anyway that is what a French high court found in case no. 123454321.
So it must be binding on you.


Posted by: KeesKennis on June 3, 2006 01:47 PM

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA But it is "FOR DA KIDS"

Posted by: GUYK on June 3, 2006 02:51 PM

JOHN! It's a Cookbook!

Posted by: Yogimus on June 3, 2006 04:46 PM

You have to start worrying when cholesterol is in danger of becoming a controlled substance...

Posted by: BobG on June 3, 2006 05:54 PM

These same nazis have been slowly forcing Mickey D's to make food that I *don't* like! The fries aren't the same since the tallow was replaced with vegetable oil, and the hot apple pies of my youth (deep-fried goodness!) have been replaced with these dry baked things.

You can buy SALAD there now, FFS! If they ever force the Big Mac to be made with tofu, it'll be time to take up arms.

Posted by: Desert Cat on June 4, 2006 12:28 AM
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