Gut Rumbles
 

June 02, 2006

the war on drugs

Thank Bejus that we have the federal government watching over us. Otherwise, you might be able to buy over-the-counter cold medicines without having to show a picture ID first.

We NEED that kind of watchdog prowling the drugstores of America, because we have a REAL problem with "The Children" mainlining Contac and snorting Sudafed. I think I read somewhere (I can't recall where, but I'm sure that I read it... somewhere...) that if you break up Hall's Mentholated Cough Drops into little, tiny pieces and smoke them in a crack-pipe, you get a real, eucalyptus buzz offa those insidious things.

In fact, I think Peptol-Bismol is addictive. Yeah, I know that it tastes like pink chalk, but that's just a clever disguise for drug-pushers to use when they "hook" The Children. If you mix it with Alka-Seltzer Plus and strain it through a piece of cheesecloth, you end up with the new "Hillbilly Heroin," perfect for sucking up in a hypodermic needle and sticking into a vein.

Some of you people probably thought that laxatives were an unpleasant, but necessary part of life, if you suffer from clogged bowels. NOT SO!!! I think that The National Enquirer recently reported that Ex-Lax, when mixed with aspirin and club soda, makes a cheap version of crystal meth if you do it right in an "underground drug-lab" (THOSE are scary places!!!). That information came straight from space aliens who were pregnant with Hillary Clinton's love-child, so you KNOW that it's gotta be true.

In fact, some lawmakers today want to ban oregano, because it looks like marijuana, and that's reason enough to make it illegal. For The Children.

The War on (some) Drugs is a ceaseless battle, requiring eternal vigilance, because the drug pushers are SO damn clever. If the DEA and local crazed zealots law enforcement shut down one suppy-chain, another pops up to take its place.

Recently, I think I might remember maybe reading an article somewhere that suggested perhaps, possibly, in the right environment, given an undergroud lab, run by outlaw motorcycle gangs, with child pornography pasted all over the walls, and racist literature found within 50 miles of the place, with NO wheelchair access in clear violation of the ADA, plus a Sears catalogue with the wimmen's underwear section all stuck together with I-don't-know-WHAT kind of glue, some people with lots of tattoos and piercings all over their bodies--- including NIPPLE-RINGS!!!---were mixing Tang powder and Bisquick together and selling it in plastic bags as a "self-rising, Vitamin C Rush!!!"

The Children were buying that stuff and... and... fucking when they got a dose of it up their young noses!!! THAT CRAP HAS TO BE NIPPED!!! Nip it! Nip it! Nip it in the bud.

Our drug cops TRY, but they have a very frustrating job. People just keep on being people, no matter how much the government doesn't like it. That's why drug cops act like storm troopers so often. The more you harass, intimidate and arrest people for being people... the more the assholes insist on acting like PEOPLE, the same way they've done for 10,000 years of recorded history. The nerve of those shits!!!

Busting horrible, illegal drugs is a lot like trying to turn the tide away from the sand castle you just spent hours building on the beach. You can't stop it, but you'll feel much better if you turn around as your castle washes into the sea and beat the livin' shit out of an innocent bystander with your sand-shovel. At least you did SOMETHING to protect The Children.

Oh... let's not forget that we need to ban charcol-lighter fluid, Certs breath-mints and... oh, hell... just pick something. M&Ms. Klondike Bars. Gatorade. Whatever... just call it a "drug" and nobody is gonna question your motives, especially when you declare that you're doing it For The Children.

I'm a very unfortunate man today. I suffer from chronic pain and it's NOT going to go away unless I have something fairly drastic done to me. I'm willing to do whatever that takes, because I cannot continue to live hurting as bad as I do every day. But doctors are frightened to death to prescribe any pain medication to me.

I can't blame 'em for thinking that way, either. Those docs spent a long time and they invested a lot of hard work into getting that medical degree that allows them to open a practice. If I were in their shoes and I saw a patient with severe, chronic pain, I would make the same calculation that they do.

"Hmmm... I can give this guy medicine that takes away the pain, or I can tell him to suck it up. If I give him the medicine, I'll have the Feds crawling all over me and I may flush all of my study and all of my hard work right down the commode. I could lose my license to practice medicine if I give him what he really needs. So, fuck him. I'm gonna tell him to suck it up."

And that's what doctors DO today. I'm not blaming them. Hell--- they almost HAVE to work that way, thanks to the federal government being so worried about The Children while it fights a useless and totally ill-defined War on (some)Drugs. FORGET about The Patient. The Children and The Government are a lot more important than that piddling question of whether I can get out of bed in the morning or not.

Besides--- I learned a long time ago, from my government AND from Divorce Court. I don't matter. The Children do.

Whoever the hell THEY are.

Comments

Yeah, it sucks the big one, A-man. Been happening here in CA for a few months now. Went on foot to buy some cough syrup for my pup and didn't even think about taking ID. WTF for, right? I couldn't believe I had to walk back home for my drivers license BEFORE I could get the damn stuff and quiet my pup's coughing. What a bunch of crap. And why? WTF are they going to to with all that data anyway? Investigate my house for signs of a freakin' meth factory? How much of that shit could I possibly manufacture with one damn bottle? Makes no sense -- unless you're a govmint bureaucrat, I guess.

Posted by: Amy on June 2, 2006 09:23 PM

Some of the crap going on is just plain foolish and ends up hurting people who REALLY do need some relief from pain.

Posted by: Lisa on June 2, 2006 09:41 PM

ALOT of the problem with dispensing pain medicines is due to the imbecile drug addicts that get scripts and then crush them, shoot them and end up in the ER.
It's the drug addicts that abuse what drugs that are available that make it hard for those people who are in REAL NEED of pain medicine.
Leave it up to one group of assholes to ruin it for the rest of us.

Posted by: Dawn on June 2, 2006 09:48 PM

You must be going to the wrong doctors.

My oral surgeon wrote a script for 30 Percocets after my root canal. I didn't ask for it and didn't use any.

After minor sinus surgery (different Dr., of course) a few months later, I got the same prescription. I didn't fill it because I didn't need it.

I am sure if you went to a Pain Clinic, you would get what you need. Unless you make the mistake of telling them you are a juicer.

But if you DID get effective meds, you wouldn't be able to bitch and moan about your pain every day. So, it would have a downside.

Posted by: rightisright on June 2, 2006 11:50 PM

Here in Oregon you need a doctors prescription to get Sudafed. Thanks to our Democrat Governor. Who is up for reelection this year. I bet he gets reeclected too.

I just don't give a damn what happens anymore. I couldn't give a rats ass about the future. Fuck this country. Fuck it dead.

Posted by: anonymous on June 3, 2006 01:57 AM

My boyfriend has allergies, but no health insurance. (No trolling for pity), so he buys Clariten-D from Target or Wally. As if it's not bad enough that he has to take a little card from the store display to the pharmacist, he has to show his drivers license, and be 'in the system'. He bitched, but did it. Yesterday, he goes to get more Clariten, Sorry sir, we cannot sell you any because our 'records' are showing that you purchased a pack less than 10 days ago."

Yeah, we're running a meth lab using one package of Claritin-D every ten days...assholes.

And the crackheads in town are shooting each other over a twenty dollar rock.

Whats wrong with this picture?

Posted by: Amy on June 3, 2006 08:00 AM

Rob, you need to move up here. The docs up here give out the good stuff for just about everything. I know someone who recently got a prescription for Oxycontin when she had an infected hand. No wonder there's a huge problem with pill-heads in my neck of the woods.

And yes, crystal meth is making an appearance here, too. Damn shame they have to make ordinary folks with colds feel like criminals when they buy some ContacC.

If you're wondering, I'm very anti-drug. I deal with too many addicted sh*theads at work and have to keep everything locked up and covered with video cameras to keep them from using my hard work to feed their weakness. If someone wants to smoke a little pot, well, lots of people experiment or need to relax. I can even think of a few who don't smoke pot who should have a few hash brownies smuggled into their staffroom (or whatever). It's just a damned shame that some people get their lives destroyed by something that they knew ahead of time was addictive and might screw them over in ways that'll make them think that the original reason they took it was small potatoes.

Posted by: G on June 3, 2006 08:13 AM

Too bad you're not "depressed" (see also: metrosexual male and/or "empowered" female) or a "hyperactive" child (see also: normal boy). Then you'd have 'em crammin' pills down you like pez.

On the plus side, watching the police turn themselves into the standing army the Founding Fathers warned so much about has been interesting.

Posted by: blue on June 3, 2006 10:22 AM

Mind over matter only stretches so far. If you're dealing with chronic serious pain like Rob, or my father, or K, mind doesn't matter. It is excruciating no matter what you try to do. And if it's not properly treated, it almost inevitably makes one suicidal with time.

This is one aspect of the "drug war" that really frosts me--this callous disregard toward the consequences for honest pain patients.

Like Jesus' story of the wheat and the tares, it doesn't make sense to cause so many people suffering just to get at a handful of addicts who do it for pleasure.

Ooh! We can't have people ENJOYING themselves or anything!!

Posted by: Desert Cat on June 4, 2006 12:44 AM

just found this :

http://reason.com/hod/ms060206.shtml

... doctors being prosecuted for prescribing pain meds.

Posted by: adele on June 6, 2006 01:22 AM
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