Gut Rumbles

May 04, 2006

Just some "crackers"

* Tomorrow is my mama's birthday. If she were still alive, she'd be 76 years old. Just damn, but I miss her. It's strange, though--- I still dream about my father a lot, and he's been gone for 13 years. I don't remember dreaming about Mama since she died, just over a year ago.

* My garden may not produce a got-dam thing this year, but I have another bumper crop of blackberries growing wild around my house. I've picked a little more than three pints of berries over the past three days and I still have plenty more that aren't ripe yet.

* I killed a copperhead snake this morning. I was picking blackberries when I saw the sumbitch, curled up under the condensate drain for my home heat-pump unit, about a foot from my hand. I don't know if he was wetting his whistle or hoping for some prey to come along for a drink, and I didn't wait to find out. I used a stick to drag his ass out of the bushes and cave in his head. That little fucker was less than a foot long, but it still scared me half to death and made me hurt my shoulder beating on its head.

* Whatever is wrong with my shoulders is getting worse every day. My range of motion in both arms is pathetic now and I ache like hell, except when I forget and reach for something. Then, I get a blinding, knife-like bone-pain that makes me see stars. (And I ain't talking about Roscoe, either.) I don't see the orthopedic guy until next week, if I can last that long before I'm totally crippled.

* I haven't seen or talked to my son since January. I've been writing him letters, but I don't know if he ever sees them or not. A great sadness settles over me if I let myself think about it. I try NOT to think about it, but it happens anyway.

* Michael Crichton makes another good point in his "Author's Message" at the end of State of Fear. "The 'precautionary principle', properly applied, forbids the precautionary principle." BWHAHAHAAA! Proponents of the precautionary principle don't see the inherent contradiction, which doesn't surprise me, looking at the proponents.

* I'm an English Major and I don't do math. I sometimes don't do spelling very well, either.

* There's a got-dam BIG difference between "tolerance" and "indulgence." It's not politically-correct to notice.

* this guy has an Excel spreadsheet with 468 synonyms for "vagina." If I really tried, I think I could come up with that many synonyms for "testicles." (Balls, cojones, jewels, eggs, stones, nuts, cods, marbles...)

* I believe that I learned more science in the seventh grade than most high school graduates do today. Or COLLEGE GRADUATES, for that matter. I know what chlorophyl is. Do you?

* People who think they're gonna get something for nothing from government should remember what my daddy always said: "Rob, nobody in this world is gonna give you something for nothing except me and your mama--- and even THEN, you'd better wonder what WE get out of it."


good job on the snake killing. I was always terrified I'd have to do that. I think I hate them as much as you do.

Posted by: caltechgirl on May 4, 2006 06:54 PM

I know what chlorophyll is and I also know what the Venturi effect is and what it will do to a hot air balloon. Do you?

Posted by: Libby on May 4, 2006 07:04 PM

Wait - you forgot the welfare system. You can get quite a bit for nothing. Absolutely NOTHING.

Posted by: Verity on May 4, 2006 07:07 PM

Why good does it do to kill a snake? If there's one, there has to be a thousand. Yeah, I's one less, but it still seems so futile somehow.

Posted by: Tessa on May 4, 2006 07:13 PM

Correction: "What" good does it do to kill a snake?
Self: Please proof-read 'before' commenting.

Posted by: Tessa on May 4, 2006 07:15 PM

Yes, Libby, I know what a "venturi" is. You forget that I worked in a chemical plant for 23 years. --- )(

Posted by: Acidman on May 4, 2006 07:36 PM

Re: Shoulders - do exercise-stretches while blogging. Increases the circulation and helps you keep what you've got left.

Posted by: Bonita on May 4, 2006 09:01 PM

Have you tried epsom salts for those shoulders? I know it sounds useless, but it's one of those Grandmaw things that actually works. It's cheap too!

Posted by: MJH on May 4, 2006 09:11 PM

Blackberries? Wild blackberries?

Ye gods, man! I hurt just thinking of it. I wanna live somewhere like that. And I bet you could get anything from a woman for luscious fresh-picked wild blackberries. Well, at least this one.

Posted by: susan on May 4, 2006 09:55 PM

We get blackberries around here, but they don't usually ripen for us Eskimos until the first of September. I think I'm jealous, until I think of not having any poisonous snakes around.

Posted by: Graeme on May 4, 2006 10:21 PM

I really miss your posts about Quinton & Jack and all the fun you guys used to have together. I hope someday somehow that all works out and that bitch gets her due.

Good luck with the shoulders, I can certainly empathize there...

Sending some love from way up north.

Posted by: Lisa on May 4, 2006 10:43 PM

Freeze a bunch of those berries and the next time we get together I'll bake 'em up in a pie... and I promise to make my own piecrust. Mommie would be proud!

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on May 4, 2006 11:28 PM


The shoulders... decay of your rotator cuff in one or both sides. My aging dad is in Galveston, visiting from Orlando.

And he has the same damn thing with exactly the same damn symptoms.

Get an MRI of your shoulders from a qualified sports physician. What they can do with minimally invasive arthroscopic surgery is astounding.

You won't be unable to have sex either, as both shoulders will again allow a full range of motion for spanking the monkey. [ /snark, off]

Seriously though, I'd get 'em checked. Big HUGE relief if you get 'em fixed, too.

My $0.02. etc.

Sloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim on May 4, 2006 11:41 PM

You wrote, "There's a got-dam BIG difference between "tolerance" and "indulgence." It's not politically-correct to notice."
Shit, that statement there makes you too smart to be a politician(which isn't saying much), but what the hell, have some fun and run. Who knows, things change, and you just might win, play up your disability, and be the forerunner of a new politician.
At least, you'll have a lot of fun since you don't plan on winning and you'll have the biggest contribution to the whole damn election, even if you run for dog catcher.

Posted by: Terry on May 5, 2006 03:37 AM

What Jim said. Rotator cuff. My Dad had both go when he was in his mid-50s. There are a couple teests you can do to see if its that... I'll e-mail 'em to you.

And just a thought... perhaps you should keep a copy of every letter you send your son in a notebook. Tell your daughter. Should something ever happen to you, she is to see that he get that book. He may not be getting the letters and he needs to know you were thinking of him every moment of every day.

Just a thought...

Posted by: Bou on May 5, 2006 07:48 AM

Just making a point A-man. We're all an aggregate of our life experience and just because someone disagrees with you doesn't make them stupid or even necessarily wrong.

As far as the rotator cuffs, same thing happened to me a few years ago. Both of them of them went, one after the other. I couldn't raise my arms to wash my hair, hell I couldn't even wipe my ass without screaming in pain. I went to the ortho doc and I didn't have tears, just strains. They gave me a bunch of anti-inflammatory meds, all of which made my stomach hurt worse than the arms. I solved it by favoring one arm at a time. Just not using it all until the inflammation resolved. Then you just gotta be more careful about how you use it. You never get the same range of motion back. It still goes out if I reach the wrong way on a full extension. I just self-restrict to the comfortable range of motion and I've been okay since. It's never going to heal if you keep pushing through the pain though.

Posted by: Libby on May 5, 2006 08:32 AM

We have tons of wild blackberries around here. I dig em up all the time. Fuckers are always grabbing me when I'm out in the woods.
People from Illinois come up here just to pick them. We see them on the sides of the road and call them the "berry pickers."

Posted by: livey on May 5, 2006 11:16 AM

" I believe that I learned more science in the seventh grade than most high school graduates do today. Or COLLEGE GRADUATES, for that matter". You probably learned more on many subjects by the third grade than most 5th years college graduates of today do in a life time of welfare college. That is the goal of the liberal colleges of today, keep them here as long as possible (tax payer funded) and don't worry that they graduate as stupid as they arrived. All of the evidence you need of this is spread every day by the antique MSM and the idiots (best the have) that cover the daily white house briefings. I look at the MSM more as a comedy of errors and coverup than news.

Posted by: Scrapiron on May 5, 2006 12:47 PM
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